My high school homecoming is today. Go Coolidge Colts and shit. Unfortunately I won't be attending the game or any of the associated festivities. Not because I'm not in town or I have a crazy hectic schedule. Nope, none of that applies to me. I just give zero fucks and this is why...
1. I have a FaceBook account
FaceBook is a bevy of over sharing. I know far more about virtually strangers than I ever needed to know (this includes former schoolmates). With that said I know what's going on with my graduating class and 3 the before and the 3 after. They aren't doing anything that interesting that I feel the need to be within arms reach of them ever. They're all ordinary people, working regular jobs, raising kids and trying to be rappers. Seriously I got at least 10 niggas I went to school with that are 30 plus trying to be rappers. STILL. (If any of you prospective rappers are reading please don't post your YouTube video on my wall, I'll delete it then block you, thanks the management.)
2. There are no girls I still wish to fuck
Sadly all the formerly bad bitches (for lack of better wording) have fallen off; some much harder than others. I've already smashed the girls I really want to hit when they were still in their prime. I won't be rolling into the class reunion attempting to hit it off with a chick I had a mean crush on in the 10th grade. She has 2 kids by 2 different dudes, gained 30lbs and once wore a fishnet cat suit to the club; I saw the pictures on FB. None for me thanks.
3. The "Lets keep in touch" conversation
One of the most annoying things in life is running into a person you vaguely used to know then having that über fake "How you been doing?" exchange. I can easily expect to have 40 plus of those useless chit chats at any post high school function. I don't have it in me to keep pretending to be storing phone numbers in my phone. You want to know where I've been and what I've been up to I can sum it up in one sentence "Nigga I've been living and I assume you've been doing the same". Miss me with all that small talk shit all the folks from high school that I wanted to keep up with I kept up with them.
4. I have no desire to show off
No really I have no desire to show off. If I did I'd just get an Instagram account then I could post pictures of all my expensive clothes, every single meal I eat and endless bottles of Ciroc. I don't have "look at me now" syndrome so I won't be stunting on any of you hoes. From the look of some of my FB school mate homies my most valuable asset is my full head of hair and I ain't even responsible for my hairline that just good genetics.
5. I have no school spirit
I didn't grow up in Dillon, Texas because if I did I'd have a huge amount of school spirit (Friday Night Lights). I grew in a major city with way more to do on a Friday night than watch the lone high school football play some out of towners. I'm not even sure that I've ever been to a high school sporting event ever; I'm damn sure I'm not about to start now though. Plus nobody is gambling on high school sports, I can't even turn a profit.
You can catch me on FB or Google me
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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