Drinking Rules for the Single Man in the Club

1. Pretty women normally don't buy drinks; that's your job.

2. Never offer to buy a woman (that you don't already know) a drink who's not standing at the bar unless you have pull with the bartender. Chances are she won't follow you to the bar and she might not be standing in the same place waiting you to bring her that drink. Carrying a drink in a martini glass is just as bad as drinking from one.

3. Waving your hands in the air to get attention at the bar is one of the best ways to make you lose cool points; just wait. When you finally get the bartenders attention tip well he'll remember and the next trip to the bar won't be as long as the one before.

4. Beer, anything sweet, and anything with milk gives you bad breath.

5. Anything with citrus, gin and tonic, and vodka with cranberry gives you good breath.

6. Always carry gum or mints.

7. You should never drink anything that comes in a martini glass at least not if you're interested in women.

8. The only acceptable fruit in a man's drink is a wedge of lime or lemon in your Corona or on the rim of your cocktail glass. No cherries, no strawberries, no pineapple.

9. Before you drink your champagne straight from the bottle look at the crowd around now decide if that would be the best move. If the person standing next you is dressed like or is Jim Jones feel free to go bottoms up but if the crowd is full of blazer and button ups find yourself a glass.

10. The more you drink the dumber you sound; talk less or drink less.

11. The more you drink the more you spit while talking; talk less or drink less.

12. The more you drink the less charming you become; talk less or drink less.

13. If you stumble over your own feet more than once it's time to call it a night.

14. Never drink rail liquor so when you order that next Long Island Iced Tea or Blue Motorcycle make sure you say premium liquor. You'll thank me in the morning. (Rail liquor is those bottles of 3 dollar vodkas and 2 dollar cognacs that will give you a hang over from hell)

15. The female bartender is taken.

16. Dancing with a drink in your hand is only successful when you drinking from a bottle (beer, champagne, or whatever); so taking that Goose and cranberry to the floor is a no go. Plus if you spill a drink in Ms. Tonight’s hair she will surely become Ms. Missed Opportunity.

Have fun and drink responsibly your reputation may be on the line
Jean DeGrate has spoken