Too “Good” for a Man

About a month ago some article from some arbitrary blog site rehashed some stats from a Forbes article from 2013 stating how single women outnumber single men greatly. Unfortunately for women the stats still hold true because in my city alone (DC) single women outnumber single men something like 17 to 1 (65k more single women than men), but Philly, NYC, Boston and Atlanta are in the same boat. Pretty much if you’re on the east coast and own a vagina its slim pickings. They again these are just stats and you’re a “Good” woman so you’ll rise above the rest right?

The price of pussy is on the decline
I’m not saying this because girls like me a little bit and I’m blindly fooled into thinking everybody is just at privileged as I am. Nope. The price of the brick has gone down. We can blame market saturation (which directly reflects to the first paragraph). We can blame it on social media. We can blame it on chivalry slowly dying out. We can blame it on the price of tea in China but sex is much easier to get than it once was. As the things that were once considered taboo are now general practice and acts that would once classify a woman as a hoe are waning; all the hoops us men folks used to have to jump through for sex have greatly downsized. Once upon a time men used to have to go outside and attempt to spark up conversations with complete strangers in order to get dates. Those days are so far behind us to the point they have a “new” name for trying to speak to and/or compliment women you don’t know, it’s called “street harassment”.

Other women are fucking up the game for you because you’re too good
Things that you aren’t willing to do for a man or deal with from a man because you’re too good (or whatever reason you have cooked up to place yourself above certain things), there’s a woman your parallel willing do just those things. Threesomes? She’s here for that. Multiple kids by different women? She can deal with that. Take out Chinese food and Netflix “come over and chill” dates? She’s cool with that because she’s more of a homebody anyway. Before you take me down this “Why would a man want a woman willing to deal with this that and the third” bullshit the better question is “why wouldn’t he”. Seriously, why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he won’t nudes on demand? You don’t send those but the other women are. Why wouldn’t he a woman that’s down to come through and wash his clothes? You don’t because you don’t do wife things without a ring but the other women are doing it all the time. Why would he want to wait for some made up amount of dates/days before sex? You don’t have sex when you feel like it because you’ve place set rules before you can allow a man to have you but the other women don’t live by such limitations. So why would he settle for less from you when he can get more from your equivalent?

What you consider “good” doesn’t really translate as well as you think
I’ve said this a few times before but it can stand to be restated a few more times (or every day of my life), but all the things that you may think that makes you a good woman doesn’t mean as much as it does to the men you’d like to date. Being independent is dope and all but that’s part of being a grown up and not as big as a selling point as women make it out to be. The same goes for living on your, maintaining a job, having good credit and owning a vehicle as need be. All grown up shit. Being a good mom is dope for your children but sticking “Kayla’s mom” in your Twitter and Instagram bios isn’t winning over as many guys as you may think. Your designer clothing might have all your homegirls jealous and just because your favorite rapper name drops “Celine” hangbags in his club banger and you happen to own 1 to guys it either means nothing to us or worst it means you’re high maintenance. Whilst you might perceive these attributes as something that is pushing you above the competition none of these things ultimately mean shit to us for the most part. Things that hold a bit more value are… How much of what makes you, you came out of a bottle, a bag of hair or from a surgeon’s scalpel? How much attitude are we going to have to deal with on a regular basis? Can you hold an hour long conversation that consists of more than celebs, reality TV and gossip about your “friends” and family? How crazy are you? How crazy is your baby daddy? Are you looking for a man or looking for a sponsor? Do you look good naked or is it all fancy camera angles and waist trainers keeping your allure up?

You don’t compete
You’re way more average than you’d like to believe. You’re not a star. You’re everyday people. Sorry. You’re not a queen and probably not a boss either. Your halfcocked get rich schemes don’t make you a hustler. There are a whole lot of women out here just like you. They dress like you. Make money like you. Drive the same Accord/Malibu/3 series BMW/C class Benz just like you. How can you afford not to make a move on something you like? How can you afford to not try a little harder to stay high on the radar of suitors that interest you? I mean it’s 17 of you for everyone of him. You’re too good for all that right? You’re a good woman and good women deserve to be chased, wined and dined by guys on their level.

What if I told you Prince Charming isn’t coming because the not too “Good” girls have him busy?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The Concept of Marriage… Men Have it Right

I remember when my close friend Jason told me he got engaged, but first let me describe the closeness of our relationship. We go back to the 5th grade, playing basketball at recess. We’ve debated everything under the sun twice; from the existence of God to what rap label had the best hot streak (it was No Limit Records, don’t debate this). I know his parents and he knows mine. I’ve eaten dinner at his parents’ house countless times to the point that his father started cooking with me in mind. His little sister calls me her big brother. I was best man at his and his brother’s weddings. His daughter plays with my daughter. Yeah we’re that close, but like I was saying I remember when he told me he got engaged. He was in Delaware, where his now wife was living at the time, looking around in a jewelry store killing time and just like that he saw the ring he was going to propose with. See just in that moment he realized the girl that he was dating should be his wife. Just in that instant he recognized the need to be with her forever. Prior to that conversation we had never spoken about marriage.

We ascend to marriage naturally...
Wait I’m not saying that the way women go about marriage is unnatural, but that shit is peculiar as fuck. The current model of marriage for most women goes something like this…
A. Set dinner renovations for 2.
B. Show up to the restaurant alone.
C. Wait and hope someone joins you that meets your preset requirements.
I’m pretty decent with words and as convoluted as that premise may seem, that’s about as accurate as I can get (it literally took me 30 minutes to come with that 22 word analogy). Now, we men folk, take a much different route to marriage. We live our lives, chase a few dreams, accomplish a few goals and in-between it all that we date some. Out of that dating we might find love and out of that love we might decide to make the trip to Jared and marry that woman. Unlike our women counterparts the ideal of being married and being someone’s husband isn’t drummed into our heads. There is nothing taboo about being an unmarried 45 year old man (excluding being the old guy in the club, don’t be that guy). Marriage doesn’t exist to us until we have somebody we want to marry and not before.

Wanting to be married over wanting to get married...
Men don’t hold any preference in the pageantry of the ceremony or the engagement. We won’t be plastering IG with pictures of the diamond we got for you. Our tux is a rental along with the shoes and the cufflinks. When this day is over our wedding socks and boxer briefs will go into the laundry pile just like everything else and will soon be forgotten. All the spectacles on the path to saying “I do” is all for the women. We just want to be married and it doesn’t matter that much on how it all comes to be. There are no dream weddings for us. “Always a groomsman never a groom” – said no man ever in the history of matrimony. On the flipside, I know single women, and not that “if you’re not married you’re single” bullshit, but legitimately single women who spent the weekend cuddling up with Netflix and Talenti gelato that already selected songs to walk down the aisle too.

Marriage is a goal for women...
It’s hard wired into women that marriage is a goal. “Get my master’s by 25. Have my career off the ground by 26, 27 at the latest. Be a home owner by 28. Engaged by 29 and married by 31. First kid by 33 and second kid by 35; 1st a boy and then a girl. Visit Paris before turning 40.” A woman will look you in the eyes then lay down a timeline similar to that of her life goals and be dead fucking serious. How Sway? Trust me she doesn’t have the answers. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times women have told me “I expected to be married by now”. There is no mathematically equation or statistical analysis that leads them here. Nope. Women have been sold an imperfect and dated logic; the fairy tale of marriage. All the fairy tale movies Walt Disney has been dishing out, making little girls dream of being princesses and waiting around for Prince Charming to come and save them. Mothers giving daughters tip on how to be good wives. Even reality TV pushes the image of  marriage. Little boys don’t want to be princes they want to be wrestlers. Fathers and other male role models don’t push the idea of being a potentially good husband, they might tell you how to pick up some girls and promote condom use.

In your dreams of marriage does your groom have a face?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

When I decided to Hate Jay-Z...

So I’m siting at my desk reading this Complex article titled “Why Does Everybody Hate Jay-Z?”. If you follow Complex on Twitter or Facebook you already know 90% of their articles aren’t worth the energy used to click to open. Sorry Marc Ecko but your bullshit content over there is on 1000. I legitimately believe they spend more time cooking up click friendly titles than they do on the story following it. Fuck you Complex; unless ya’ll niggas hiring, because I can come up with some dope ass click friendly titles followed by 500 words of bullshit too. Fortunately this individual article wasn’t a steaming pile of shit that made me want to throw my cell phone down an open elevator shaft. Look at God. OK. Anyway even a garbage can gets a steak.

See Hov has been doing shit that has gotten under my skin for years but he’s like that homie you go way back with, so when he starts acting funny you just let that shit slide because you have history. I let it slide that the last time he did dope music was American Gangster in 2007. I let it slide that Kanye dogged him on Watch the Throne. I let it slide that the Blue Print 3 tour was ass. I was letting shit slide all over the place because that’s my man and you don’t turn your back on your folks like that.

Half way into the article it hits me like a bolt of lightning. I know exactly when I decided to hate Shawn Corey Carter, like down to the fucking second, well maybe not the second, but it was April 11th 2013. That’s when Jay-Z dropped the “Open Letter” song to respond about his controversial Cuba trip. Opening bar “I done turned Havana to Atlanta” and I just smacked my forehead saying “Nigga Please” out loud. Who the fuck does this Negro think he is? This wasn’t a 4.0 to 4.6 Range Rover comparison. How are you making rap songs about illegal vacations but danced around your committed relationship with your wife for fucking years nigga? It wasn’t even full-fledged hate it yet it was soft-core hate in the way people Mondays; it had a lot of growing to do and had to be fed to flourish.

Boy oh boy did Shawn feed it. 3 months later he dropped Magna Carta Holy Grail and it had me all hype doing the Birdman Hand rub as I illegally downloaded it from the Share Beast. This was that new exclusive Samsung hotness. Corporate America already gave this man 5 million without even a single. Nope nigga, you let me down again; more Shawn telling us how rich he was but this time he didn’t have Kanye to save him like he did on Watch the Throne. Then to add insult to injury the dopest track on the entire album was Beach is Better and it’s was 56 seconds long. Really Shawn? To this date I still can’t find the correlation between wearing Tom Ford and not using MDMA (Molly). Then the Barney’s shit followed up as soon as the summer ended only to see you Euro Step the controversy to get your Jay-Z Collection on their shelves. That was 2 years ago and you’re still feeding the hate today. Like when you took to twitter with the hash tag #TidalForAll to calm the negative press around your pointless streaming company, when Baltimore was literally on fire and we were just trying to get Justice for All. For a dude that rarely ever tweets you picked the best time to go on a Twitter rant. I understand you’re a business man and you’re about your business but you be on some other shit.

Yep the hate is real.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Don’t Tell Them

“Don't tell 'em. You don't even. You don't even gotta tell 'em. Don’t tell ‘em.” – The great urban poet Jeremih.

I remember when I was a child and an assortment of silly fucking grown-ups told me that “honesty is the best policy” on a regular basis. Truthfully speaking those conversations often ended with a belt landing on my backside. Those were the good old days when you could still beat your kids and not fear prison and/or Child Protective Services showing up at your front door. None of that has anything to do with this blog I just took a quick trip down memory lane. Anyway life has shown me sometimes honesty is not always the best policy; especially when it comes to your past relationship exploits. Honesty has its place but when you’re dealing with affairs of the heart the truth just might set you free and leave you lonely. All the wrong shit and some of the right shit you’ve done should be avoided in conversation at all cost. I’m not saying lie, but yeah go right ahead and lie.

Texts from exes
It’s hard to believe, but for most cordial and even genuinely friendly PLATONIC relationships with former flames actually exist in real life. And no, not just on white network television sitcoms. And no, one or more parties for the aforementioned relationship has turned to same sex dating. If you’re one of the lucky people to still be on good terms with an ex you might want to keep those text messages on the low. Some real innocent shit with 1 too many emojis attached can mean something downright out of pocket to your current significant other. Just make sure you keep everything on the up and up if the text thread ever sees the light of day.

Your best sex
If Tyrone used to make your left thigh shake just thinking about it; keep that shit to yourself. If Keisha once sucked the soul of you, and you hopped up then took her shopping immediately afterward; nobody needs to know about that, specifically your current love interest. If they ask you about who put it on you in the past you reply swiftly “Ain't nobody kiss it like you” and change subjects, FAST.

You’ve cheated
Unless your current main piece used to be your side piece or you got some sideline babies running around these streets, there is no good reason under the sun to bring up your past infidelity issues. If your cheating days are behind you bringing them up in current relationship won’t aid in alleviating any worries in your new relationship. Would you trust a kleptomaniac as your maid? Then you probably wouldn't trust an admitted cheater with your heart and that’s exactly how your new romantic interest is going to view you. That knowledge will plant seeds that will grow into full out suspicion over every unanswered called, unreturned text message and every reason to get stuck at the office. When she sitting Indian style at the front door waiting for you to walk in and then asks to smell your dick just know you did this to yourself.

What you did for your Ex
I’m not a jealous dude. I’m not even the type to be in competition with another dude. My ego isn’t set up like that but the idea of girl holding down some other dude and she’s not trying to do the same for me will drive me insane. “Fuck you mean you not taking off to wait for the cable man? You took off to go to some loser ass repeat offender niggas court trial but you won’t sit in here so I can get HBO? You better call in sick or something. Let me walk about in the house and this cable don’t be on.” Maybe when you did what you did for your ex you were in a different place. A little more gullible, a little less able to prioritize with or own things, or you just don’t feel the same about you current love interest as you have felt the love before them.

Things that your ex did and he/she doesn't
Keisha paid your back child support, put a cellphone in your name until you paid Sprint what you owed and used give you the best head any time you even looked like you had a tough day at work. Keisha was an angel. Guess what though? You & Keisha are done. Same thing goes for Jamal. It doesn't matter how much your mother loves him because he shoveled her snow every winter. It doesn't matter how much money he gave towards your house bills and never even asked for a key. It doesn't matter if he treated you son like his own because you two are done. Don’t try to use any of the things to motivate your current love interest to do anything and damn sure don’t bring in up in an argument in an attempt to shame them. You already have lost Keisha & Jamal don’t lose Ashley & Mike and bring up old shit.

Seriously don’t tell them
Jean DeGrate has spoken

A Second Chance… Anthony Stokes WTF

Two years ago Anthony Stokes received a heart transplant due to much controversy. See Anthony was a bit of a juvenile delinquent and at the age of 15 he had a criminal record along with numerous problems at school. I remember reading the article stating how he was originally dropped from the donors list because of his behavioral issues (which was code for “nigga you ain’t about to be shit”) and was deemed a waste.  When I read the article I was heated, but this was after activist had already came in and saved the day without creating a hash tag movement, so my opportunity to speak out on the situation had already passed. I was still upset, in my eyes it was unjust and this was without pulling the race card. How could you possibly deny a CHILD a chance at life? Where was the moral ethics at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta? How do you tell a parent “We would save your child’s life but his conduct is kind of sketchy so we’re just going to skip over him on the list”? I wanted heads to roll, I wanted people fired, but then I realized he got the transplant and I’m just a sometimes blogger, so maybe I should just relax.

This might be a bit redundant but Anthony Stokes what the fuck dude?

If you haven’t read the articles about this young man let me catch you… In 2013 he was happy to have a second chance at life and intended to clean up his act. He wanted to finish high school and attend college then go on to start his own computer business. He forgave the hospital staff for judging his character, because God says forgives, and he promised to stay out of trouble. Yeah, people often find God when facing hardships, especially death. Ok fast forward to Tuesday (March 31st). Anthony Stokes is dead. He crashed a stolen car into a pole during a police chase. He was 17. On his way out with a bang (for lack of a better word), in the midst of a home invasion gone wrong he shot the resident of the house and hit a pedestrian prior to the crash that ended his life. Aside for that his Facebook account is littered with images of him holding guns, wads of cash and smoking weed; so the writing was on the wall.

Second chances

I’m all for second chances, and third chances, and fourth chances; EXCLUDING instances that are life effecting. I don’t know who else was in need of the heart that Anthony received. See when I read the original story I had an glass half full point of view and I expected him to turn it all around; I also didn’t put any thought into who would die so he could live. I’m pretty sure it was another candidate on the list that wasn’t a criminal to say the least. I’m pretty sure that there were several other candidates that would have truly cherished a second chance at life. The doctors were playing God when they decided not to give Anthony a chance but isn’t that what doctors are paid to do? Sure we can all say nobody could have known how this would play out, but be honest we had a pretty good idea. Would you choose Anthony for a heart over your law abiding daughter or next door neighbor or the teenager that always remembers your coffee order at the Starbucks across the street from your office just because his name was next on the list?

What’s a human life worth?

Sure the Declaration of Independence says “All men are created equal” but this was written by a bunch of slave owners so I’m not sure how much faith they had in the statement. The truth is we aren’t equals. Some of us are assets to society and our fellow man and some of us are drains on society and are the reason why car alarms exist. No matter what type of person you, I or anybody else would like to think we are, what we are is a sum of our actions. Anthony was a juvenile delinquent at the time he was passed over by Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. He lived up to what he was considered to be and inflicted harm on others prior to his own death. Anthony didn’t just lose his life his lost the life of the child that went without.

I hate it when we live up to what “they” think about us
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Nah Hov Tidal seems real LAME

Yesterday or the day before Jay-Z and his talented super friends dropped what they might have thought was the best thing to happen to music since the iPod but is more like shining up the same old shit then adding a price tag to it. But fuck the long prologue and let’s just get in to it.

Side note but I’m currently listening to “Watch the Throne” which I illegally downloaded the day it came out #ThugLife.

Nobody asked for this

At least once a week I read or hear somebody asking when is Andre 3000 going to drop a solo project. At least once a month people are still on the lookout for a Jay Electronica album. Shit I can name 20 people I personally know that still have hope in the Detox ever seeing the light of day. You know what I never hear? You know what people never ask for? The ability to stream lossless music files. Fuck the fact that average FLAC file is about 100mb and streaming it over your 10gb data plan with allow you about 45 minutes of music a month. How many of you actually knew what lossless music was prior to Monday? Ok here’s an even better question if you are listening to a lossless version of “Niggas in Paris” through your Beat by Dre headphones could you even tell? My guess is no, because I’m listening right now (via a download, not streaming) and I can’t tell the fucking difference after 3 playbacks the shit sounded the same.

Music is FREE and nothing is exclusive

Music is so free it’s actually harder to buy music than it is to “illegally” download it. Remember when the Magna Carta dropped via that Jay-Z app at midnight for Samsung phone owners only? Yeah I literally had it on my Drop Box drive at 12:05am EST and on my HTC phone and PS3 by 12:07am EST. The exclusivity of the app didn’t even last long enough to make it to the 4th track. That was 2 years ago if it dropped tonight I’d probably have it by 12:01am if my internet connection is slow. So with that tidbit of knowledge and the fact that 99% of all recorded music is literally keystrokes away at any giving moment and FREE why would John Q Public pay you for it? And for the exclusive video content you can YouTube Netflix original content right now. If Netflix can’t keep its exclusive content from escaping to the regular net how is Tidal going to keep behind the scenes footage of Alicia Keys at the Grammy’s safe?

Pandora and Spotify exist and are doing pretty well

I don’t stream music. Even with my unlimited data plan I don’t stream music. I don’t like commercials. I don’t like surprises in my playlist. I like to have total control of my music so I’m only listening to music from my digital library. This clearly sets me aside for the average Joe because every other person in my office is streaming for FREE. That 30 second Spotify commercial doesn’t even faze them neither does running into a track they might exactly fancy because they won’t pay to skip it they’ll just suffer thru it. A commercial break every 5 songs isn’t a deal breaker and certainly does not validate a $9.99 monthly charge.

We don’t care if “artists” aren’t getting their money

The Beyhive is huge. If you sneak diss Beyoncé online they will swarm into your Twitter mentions and make you consider deactivating your account. An artist my think that kind of love can be transformed into dollars and yeah that’s true, if you’re on tour because we can’t bootleg concerts. See being on online terrorist to people that don’t feel the same about our favorite artist is free love and we are all about FREE love like it’s Woodstock. So if Pandora isn’t giving artist their fair share of profits for the usage of material that’s something for that artist to take up with legal office at Pandora. We don’t care. We see the artists as rich, even if they aren’t rich like Ryan Leslie. From the consumer stand point our free music vs paying for music isn’t going to stop you from getting that new Maybach. Plus Kanye has thousand dollar Lavin T-shirts with no logos and Jay-Z has a Basquiat to look at while he’s peeing so yeah we won’t be adding to excess without good reason.

Good Luck but ain’t nobody fucking with Tidal
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Four Questions Men Need to Stop Asking

Men are famous for asking questions that never result in straight forward answers and more times than not annoy the woman being questioned. Being that women often don’t voice their disgust clearly with men during the courtship phase these following questions have landed several men on the "Do Not Answer" list or comfortably in the friend zone without any explanation. Asking any of these questions will not only do more harm than good you won't gain any insight.

Why are you single?

Honestly bro how do you think she’s going to answer this? Let me think… Ok I got something. “I’m single because I’ve just been focused on my career/kids/spirituality/school and haven’t really had the chance to meet anybody.” This response is going to be 98% bullshit. The more realistic answers go more like this…

“I was dyking for the last 3 years.” That temporary lesbian pit stop is getting more popular by the day.

“I’ve been fucking my baby father and hanging on to the hope that we might get back together.”

“I’m completely insane and once men figure it out they leave me faster than the starting line at the Boston marathon.”

“I only date men that buy me expensive things; I mean that can bring something to the table.”

“I just haven’t met anyone because I don’t know what the hell I really want.”

No grown woman is ever going to be that up front with you and you’ll come off as just another dude asking the same generic ass questions.

Do you like it? (During sex or immediately after sex or ever referring to sex)

Funny thing is up until recently I didn’t know this was a thing grown men did. I mean I'd understand if you’re 16 or 17, just learning your way around the female body and trying to hone your craft; it’s perfectly OK to seek out a few pointers. If you’re 21 and over you need to at least pretend to be confident in your stroke game and pay extra close attention to her body cues. The moment you open your mouth to get a critique on your bedroom performance is the moment you become a weak ass nigga. Seriously bro don’t ask her. If you think your game was lacking take it to pornhub, google some Karma Sutra moves or start eating that booty like groceries. Just don’t ask her. Ok. Ok. If you’ve got her screaming into the pillow while destroying the pussy from behind and you yell out “You like that, huh you like that” rhetorically that’s fine but that is the ONLY exception.

How many men have you been with?

Besides coming off like a total lame; she’s not going to tell you the truth if the numbers are higher than she’d like them to be. If she 6 boyfriends but has 34 bodies under her belt at 29 she’s not telling you that shit man. In this day, in this age almost every woman has a body or 9 over your comfort level. Unless you’re willing to go that Tyga route and get them while they still have recess and detention; you can expect some wear and tear. If you want to know something real about her sexual past ask her if she ever ate ass. Imagining her sucking so dude's hairy asshole; that’s a real deal breaker. Who really cares if she had a one night stand in Miami last Memorial Day weekend?

What do you like in a man?

Chances are this question won’t get you dropped into the friend zone or land you on the blocked list but it will give you an impracticable expectation to live up too. Asking a woman what she likes in a man is like giving a 5 year old boy a pen and pad then telling him to design his ideal toy. All the dope things that couldn’t possible co-exist in a single human being will be nicely packaged into this dream man she’s going to lay out for you. Now the funny thing about a woman’s criteria is it’s etched in stone right up until the point she meets a guy she likes but he doesn’t meet her set standards, then all that shit goes out the window. She wants a tall man but her baby father is 5’7. She wants a book smart and street smart guy but has never dated a man with a college degree. She wants a guy that eats healthy but her last boyfriend fed her so much pizza she thought she was a Ninja Turtle.

Do yourself a favor and don’t ask her bro
Jean Degrate has spoken