I was watching last night’s episodes of “Truth Be Told” you know (wishfully thinking but most likely you don’t know), its the new Zack Morris sitcom on NBC in the doomed Friday night slot when all the people that might watch this show are out doing way cooler shit. It’s not the best show but it’s not the worst show and I like Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) and Tone Bell (a sitcom regular black guy with a beard). I’m 100% sure the show will be canceled shortly and 2000% sure it will never see a second season. Anyway last night’s episode was touching on religion or basically Zack Morris character’s preference to not raise his daughter with religion. Shocking isn’t it? TV taboo even.
Funny thing about it is… that’s my exact take on parenting and religion but, exclusively for children that used to live in my balls. I am not the “push my ideology on everybody else” type of guy. And no I’m not I’m an atheist or an agnostic (there is a difference), I’m Catholic but all the same there is no Santa or Jesus in the DeGrate household (minus my Jesus pieces and rosary beads and crosses). Until last week I thought the tooth fairy was still holding it down for me but Madi told me randomly “I know you’re the tooth fairy; I know you’re giving me money, I’ve always known.” Before you question me on letting the tooth fairy have her shine but no Jesus or Santa; the tooth fairy actually serves a purpose and those other guys not so much. How else am I going to get a 5 year old to allow me to snatch a tooth out of her head without the false belief of some mythical Tinkerbelle like creature is going to give her money? Oh Ok then.
See the thing is this… I’m not 100% sure; fuck it I’m not even 35% sure I’d be religious if I wasn’t raised Catholic. As a child when I was too young to know any better they spoon fed me Jesus, the boogie man, Santa and the tooth fairy. As I got older they pull the rug on all the other shit but allowed Jesus to cook I guess because he died for my sins and all. So here I am 35 going on 36 praying to a guy (or guys and a spirit) that I’m not sure I’d have stock in if I would have discovered the faith today. Like imagine having no concept of religion and stumbling across a bible at your local Flea Market (because you hipsters love flea markets). You picked it up 99 cents because its leather bound and the pages are gold leafed and if nothing else it will look cool sitting on your coffee table next to that piece of drift wood you picked up at Rehoboth beach last summer. Two days later your WiFi is down, there isn’t shit on TV and your cell service sucks in your apartment so you can’t even get on Twitter and there is the bible staring you in the face. (This shit is about to get real blasphemous so all my die hard bible fans and Jesus freaks it’s time to tune out.) “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”… How Sway and what the fuck does that even mean? Let’s say you skip all that and go to the dope stories like the Tower of Babel when the people were building a tower to heaven which seems mighty improbably since outer space exist an air gets very thin at extreme heights. Or how about Noah’s ark when they put two of each animal (predator and prey) on a boat and nobody ate anybody for 40 days and 40 nights; plus do you know how big a boat would have to be to fit two of each animal. Mad logistical flaws in these bible stories b; it could be the centuries separating the "word of God" and modern science, but as a grown-up it would be hard to swallow. Then we have all the savage shit that we just politely skip over in the bible like all that God sanctioned rape, murder and slavery. What type of God is pro-slavery and anti-shrimp? Shrimp is wonderful and slavery has been time tested as a rather shitty practice. I mean some people are allergic to shellfish but everybody is allergic to being whipped into submission as a slave.
As an adult I have a difficult time sorting through what should be applied to life and what shouldn’t be. I mean are women second class citizens or nah? In my times of need I just ask for guidance over turning to the good book. So how do I deliver this convoluted labyrinth of “religion” to my child? Instead I just install sound morals in my child and leave Jesus out of it. I leave that to her in adulthood to choose the path that was force upon me.
Maybe this isn’t so much Zack Morris and more me, Madi and religion
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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