Friday, September 13, 2013

4 Things Fellas Should Be Telling Ladies About, but Don't

Because you women folk need to be put up on game, and I like to make lists...

1. When you're on top and pull us forward to suck your titties, that shit hurts.
Seriously that maneuver is all types of ergonomically incorrect, especially if your fuck buddy is at least 4 inches taller than you. The strain on our necks alone is enough to make us say, "Bitch get up off me," but we power thru the pain because we want the nut. Stop trying to do the most. Just let us lay there, with our eyes closed, enjoying the ride. And, if you're one of these A/B cup Bitches pulling that move, you owe your dude mouf as soon as you finish reading this blog.

2. All of yall ain't that fresh down below.
I know every woman thinks her pussy smells like roses and tastes like water; I personally can't vouch for the latter, but I'm 100% certain that 3 out of 10 of you aren't as fresh as you'd like to believe. This is another thing guys just take on the chin. He's wined and dined a female, spent hours upon hours texting and talking, and the moment of truth is here. He does the classic "two-finger test" (you know the one where he pretends to be interested in fingering you, but smoothly runs his fingers by his nostrils after two finger pumps?). Yep, 30% of the time, that box smells a little tart. Oh, trust and believe, he's still fucking away. You're already naked, you're already wet, and you've already wasted half his night on a so-called "date". He's fucking, and he won't even say a fucking thing about the smell. (Side note - fingering a chick in this day and age doesn't have shit to do with female pleasure. We need to know if the pussy is wet enough and what it smells like. It's a necessary evil.)

3. You might not be relationship material.
As men, we date a lot of women knowingly that they don't have what it takes to actually acquire a title. And by "date", I mean invite them over for a Ciroc and Simply concoction and a BluRay after 10pm maybe even the occasional Sunday matinee movie that been out 4 weeks already.  Whether it be the Party Girl, the owner of several kids, the seemingly hoeish hoodrat, or any other criteria that would make it unacceptable to bring her home for Thanksgiving, we'll just keep them in that gray non-girlfriend area. That moment when a man pulls a hoe with the best mouf in SouthEast to the side to say, "You know this ain't going anywhere, right?" ... yeah that never happens.

4. We don't give a fuck about your designer shit
Right now, it's a 1000 bitches running around with leggins with crosses all over them, and I guarantee you no straight man on the face of the Earth knows who makes that shit. Men typically don't follow trends for women's fashion, but we are fans of form fitting and revealing clothing. We don't know and don't care who makes the things that make you look fuckable. We especially don't care about your designer bags and heels. Nope not even your "fuck me pumps" that you leave on during sex; the brand of those aren't even of the slightest importance. Now, thanks to JD, you can pay your rent instead of buying those Loubs you've been eyeing to wear on your man's birthday. Aldo pumps do the same sexy trick.

Consider this bit of information charity, and thank me later.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

1 comment:

  1. Let them know that their shit stinks too! Please spray in the bathroom when ur done!!!

    ReplyDelete