I bullshit you not; once a week, I'm talking to some chick telling her about my dealings with another chick. Without fail, the chick I'm sharing my story with is always in shock and disbelief of my interactions with these chicks. like head-exploding, absolutely floored. dumbfounded. Be advised, I'm not talking about the over-the-top adventure like shit, which I normally blog about. These stories aren't laced with spades games that turn into ménages. (Yea, that totally happened a few years back; in case you were wondering.) Normally, I'm telling these pedestrian ass stories. You know. just regular everyday shit. I'll say something like, "So she caught a cab home" or "Then sent me some nudes" and these women will lose their mind. The responses range from "Oh my God. What type of women are you dealing with?" to "There's no way I'd go for something like." to "Where's her self-esteem?" to "You wouldn't be doing me like that". So after about a 1000 of these gross overreactions, I bring this up to my homie Greg, and wouldn't you know it. the same shit happens to him all the time. Nope ladies and gentlemen, this isn't a Jean DeGrate anomaly here. Bitches are just generally delusional.
To add insult to injury, 17 out of 20 times, they're women who have been firmly placed into the friendzone and/or just plain single. Yet they are giving up all of this fake outrage (and we all know how much I hate fake outrage). They've placed their wants way above what any man with common sense would be willing to provide for a woman of their caliber (Yes, there are levels to this shit). They need help, and JD is going to help them in the way only JD can. I came up with 3 quick steps to get your pussy back at its proper level, instead of sitting it atop of a bookshelf so high, a nigga would have to be a NBA center to reach it.
Find a woman you see as your superior and your peer
No, not Beyonce bitch. Relax, I'm not asking for you to reach for the stars. I'm sure there's someone in your life who looks better than you and is doing better than you. If you can't find her, @ me on Twitter, and I'll go through the people you follow and find at least 10 bitches who are shitting on you, free of charge. I'm that nice of a guy. Find out who she's dating or previously dated. If these guys are below your standards, then you need to lower your standards. If you think you can do better than her, just stop reading this blog right now, and revisit it when you fail.
Look at the guys who approach you
If 29 out of the last 30 guys who came onto you couldn't get you to throw a glass of water on them if they were dying of thirst, there's something about you that's telling those guys that you're just their speed. Unlike women, men typically stay in their own league. Of course, we have a handful of dreamers who reach for the stars, but that's only like 10%. Your clothes, your hair, your body type, and your walk are dead giveaways to the type of person you are... AND the type of person you'd date (or in 2013 "date" terms. "fuck with"). Stereotypes exist because they work; you rarely ever find an Ernest Hemmingway book bound in a cover from a XXL.
Consider dating your equal
You're 3 years into a dead end job. You have 2 kids by 2 different niggas, neither of which has even ever discussed a wedding with you, let alone went to Jared. You're paying a car note on a 2004 Impala. You have $1500 in your bank account, but a $1000 of that is for rent, and the rest of it is to put down on your Miami trip. (You niggas are still going to Miami on vacation though? Yeah, that's another blog.) You're 40lbs overweight, all of which you claim is leftover baby weight, but your youngest kid is 4. Stop looking for a hero. Nobody is coming to pull you out of the slums, and if a guy does reach down and pull you out of it, you're the exception to the rule. God is not sending you a baller. We know, yeah. yeah. yeah. you can do bad all by yourself. Damn right, looking for Superman, it's going to continue on that way... BAD. and damn near HORRIBLE. by your damn self. Start looking at your actual peers and stop turning up your nose to the nigga that refills the soda case at your job. (You still pull the day shift at 7Eleven, right?). He's getting $18/ hour plus overtime. Coca-Cola is a fortune 500 so he's also getting solid benefits. Yep, that means no need for ObamaCare for you. Some of his OT will get Rent-A-Center off your back. Splitting the rent with him will stop the light bill from coming in pink envelopes. You might be able to upgrade your 2004 Impala to a 2013 if you show him some attention. and suck good dick.
Your dream man can't 6'2, drives a 6 series BMW, makes 6 figures and has a 6 pack when all you can bring to the table is your kids your pussy and your debt.
So you dying alone or. you gonna give the mailman some cheeks?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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