You Just Don’t Do It for Me Anymore

*** Folks this might be one of the reasons men cheat or people cheat in general***

Remember the first time you have sex with a chick you're dating, not that one night stand heat of the moment BS, but that real passion. The exploration of those unfamiliar curves that you are so eager to learn, her distinct smell, and the sound she makes when you touch her right there. Yeah that shit if off the chain; there is nothing quite like good new pussy.


After a while the passion fades the excitement dies and that good new pussy is just old regular pussy. Foreplay no longer exist and that rise in your pants you once got from just the thought of it going down needs a little bit more coasting to get where it's going.


After about 6 months or so of dating all the excitement in the bedroom is normally pretty much gone it's just regular sex after that you need to be a pretty charming individual or shit is going to go way left. Phone time decreases and face time decreases yeah you're doing a whole lot more of kicking it with Craig and them than you used to. Funny thing about it you don't know what's really wrong because nothing seems off. You can lay next to this chick while she is ass naked and your man won't jump.


Weeks drag on and you feel no real motivation to knock this chick down. You find yourself making up reasons to hit like "Well it's raining out so ain't nothing going to be popping tonight so I'll go see her" or "Well I don't have shit else better to do might as well hit".


After a while you stare at her and pick out her flaws like the little bumps on her forehead that remind you of Braille or the way she keeps wearing same tired ass ponytail every fucking day and that just adds to the lack of her sexual appeal. Then it's the first time your man doesn't show up to the show and you start making excuses like "I'm just tired" or "give me a little bit head to get me started". But you're up and ready to rock when you caught 5 minutes of tittie on Cinemax at 2 in the morning then it hits you like a Mack truck you just don't do it for me anymore and it's all downhill from there.


95 times out of 100 new pussy is going to be hit but after the sparks fade then what?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

***If you think I write good shit; tell somebody else***

What Really Grinds My Gears Volume III

Ugly people calling other people ugly

I’m about to start carrying a mirror around for these physically unfortunate souls who deem it ok to talk about another persons looks. Real talk have you seen you are there any mirrors in your house? How dare you part your fugly lips to call another person ugly when you look like you’ve taken a beating or two with the ugly stick?

Busted chicks that complain about dudes not being up to their standards

“...this nigga aint got no real job he doing home improvement work with his father he aint getting no W2 for that shit and he got the nerve to be riding around in 94’ piece a shit...” I hear one of these types of rants like twice a week and when I turn my head I see some busted ran down looking broad; when I’m expecting to see somebody that would be able to grace a magazine cover or at least ride passenger seat no tint. But nope without fail it’s some mud duck going on some dude. Look here you busted baby if you were better looking yeah you could get a better dude and I know that’s some superficial shit to say but that’s just the way shit is. Busted women end up with sub par dudes unless the busted chick is paid it’s male gold diggers out there too.


Grown ass men with Mohawks

I know all these music videos, professional athletes, and TV stars are starting to rub off on you and they make you feel like you can pull it off. Nah you’re dead wrong. You look like a fucking idiot. Mohawk weren’t meant for regular people. Native Americans don’t even wear Mohawks and they invented the hairstyle,
So here’s a list of people that should never rock a Mohawk.

If you never counted out 10k of your own money no Mohawk for you
If you don’t own a fashion boutique or hair salon (not a barbershop) you can’t do a Mohawk
If you have a dress code or you have to wear a uniform to work no Mohawk for you.
If you go to your barber and say “Give me a Mohawk” and he looks at you as if he’s waiting you to say “I’m just bullshitting” no Mohawk for you
If you think your friends will make jokes about you for months to come then no Mohawk for you

My City not repping My City

I’m sick and fucking tired of walking into DTLR, Footlocker, Lidz, or any other spot they might carry Fitted Caps and see 1000 hats in every color of the rainbow except the Nationals. How the fuck do you have 100 hats and only 2 of them have anything to do with the city you’re operating in? Maybe if I go to NYC I can rack up on National hats because we got all the Yankee joints down here.

Dumb Ass Tattoos

Some people treat their bodies like a scratch pad and when the moment hits them they are off to the tattoo shop to get Bugs Bunny shooting dice holding a bottle of Moet or they might just grab one of those cliché tats that I love so much like the panther, the 2pac cross, tribal arm band and the classic dog/tiger paw prints. Put some thought into your tat and try to be slightly original. Do you really want to be 50 with Jessica Rabbit in a Bikini on your back or even worst dropping 1200+ on tattoo removal so it could look like somebody poured hot acid on your arm?

Local rappers selling their CD’s on the street

No boom box, no freestyle, just a poorly package CD with a name scribbled on with a black Sharpie. “Son show love, I’m just trying to get my music out there and it’s that crack. I’m letting them go for 5” is like the standard spiel. I used to toss 5 dollar bills out to these dudes until I had about 25 CDs sitting on my kitchen counter that I never heard. So one day I grabbed the stack and headed to work to give them a listen. Every single disk; every single track just horrible and I don’t mean just sound bad I mean atrocious in every aspect from the horrible production, the recycled beats, to 3rd grade rhyming patterns. I mean how many times can I hear “Vest”, “Chest”, and “Rest” rhymed together at the end of a bar? Now when those dudes walk up on me I just say “I don’t listen to rap”. Plus I can get 3 for 10 from my bootleg man of shit I actually want to here; Officer Ricky here I come.

People will always do dumb shit and as long as ya’ll keep reading I'mma keep writing
Jean DeGrate has spoken

JD’s list of things straight men shouldn’t do

Take pictures of themselves
You may fresh out of the barbershop with the greatest shape-up ever or just left the gym feeling super ripped and the feeling hits you to make this a Kodak moment. But before you start that bathroom/drivers seat photo shoot ask yourself a few simple questions a. is this gay? b. would I be ashamed if my friends saw me doing this and c. how cool do I look right now pointing this camera at myself? If you can live with the answers to those questions go head point and click and I hope all your pictures come out fabulous.

Using text jargon in regular conversation
Straight nameless dude (SND) - OMG she is so phat!
JD - What the fuck? (Not WTF because in real life we don’t use acronyms for everyday phrases we just say that shit)
SND - Dude she is phat
JD - Nah say exactly what you just said
SND - Oh my God shorty is so phat
JD - No say it exactly like you said it; no remix no edit say what you just said verbatim
SND - OMG she is so phat
JD - Dude are you a 17 year old white girl? Why the fuck is OMG even in your vocabulary? OMG you’re a fucking lame. Now LOL at that.

Wear skinny jeans
It’s one type of guy that can get away with wearing skinny jeans and still get respect they are called rock stars. Are you a rock star? Do you have fans? Have you ever performed to a sold out crowd? Plus if you and your girl are wearing the same size jean who’s really the man in the relationship? Dude I can see the outline of you calf muscle take that dumb shit off. It could be me but I’ve never had the urge to see the outline of my package thru my pants.

Can’t wear skinny jeans because my pride won’t fit
Jean DeGrate has spoken

In Current New Volume II

AIG retention bonus checks
The unemployment rate is 8.2% so that like one in twelve folks with no job. Turn on CNN or MSNBC for about 15 minutes at any given time to hear about some company doing massive layoffs. In an economy were we have folks with MBA’s restocking shelves at Target and make cappuccino at Starbucks, and job fairs with 4000 plus in attendance to fill 300 positions AIG is handing out 170 million to hold on to the “Wall Street Hedge Fund creating” talent. Where the fuck would they go? The only thing less desirable than an AIG employee from the Financial Products division is probably the former CEO of Enron. In today’s economy any check other than an unemployment check is a retention bonus check. Matter of fact I’m looking at my retention bonus check right now.

Skiing
Those slopes are mean have taken down a white celeb or two in my lifetime Sonny Bono, Michael Kennedy, and now Natasha Richardson hit her head on the bunny slope and died she died son (Wikipedia actually has a list of celebrity skiing deaths; Google it). I went skiing once when I was still in high school and I didn’t get fucked up but my homie Kerry Ann Phipps did (she’s white and she’s on FB look her up) and she was an experienced skier. They took her to hospital strapped to a stretcher with neck brace and all. Take it from me or those dead rich people stay the fuck off them slopes. Whose idea was it anyway to tie wood planks to your feet then slide down a snow covered mountain?

Donte Stallworth kills man with Bentley
All I can say is damn here we go again. Why the fuck do these BLACK athletes keep doing dumb shit? Do ya’ll get these million dollar deals and lose your fucking minds. Joe Flacco ain’t never ran a dog fighting ring, Brian Urlacher ain’t never shot himself up in the club, and Brett Farve ain’t never told the police he was in a rush to go get some head. On the other hand you can almost set your watch by the next dumb move a black man whose job is based on getting a ball across a line or in hoop is going to make. What good is being a millionaire if you spend it all on lawyers and court fees? I guess on the bright side you’ll be the richest dude in prison.

At least stupid athletes ain’t fucking up my economy
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Drinking Rules for the Single Man in the Club

1. Pretty women normally don't buy drinks; that's your job.

2. Never offer to buy a woman (that you don't already know) a drink who's not standing at the bar unless you have pull with the bartender. Chances are she won't follow you to the bar and she might not be standing in the same place waiting you to bring her that drink. Carrying a drink in a martini glass is just as bad as drinking from one.

3. Waving your hands in the air to get attention at the bar is one of the best ways to make you lose cool points; just wait. When you finally get the bartenders attention tip well he'll remember and the next trip to the bar won't be as long as the one before.

4. Beer, anything sweet, and anything with milk gives you bad breath.

5. Anything with citrus, gin and tonic, and vodka with cranberry gives you good breath.

6. Always carry gum or mints.

7. You should never drink anything that comes in a martini glass at least not if you're interested in women.

8. The only acceptable fruit in a man's drink is a wedge of lime or lemon in your Corona or on the rim of your cocktail glass. No cherries, no strawberries, no pineapple.

9. Before you drink your champagne straight from the bottle look at the crowd around now decide if that would be the best move. If the person standing next you is dressed like or is Jim Jones feel free to go bottoms up but if the crowd is full of blazer and button ups find yourself a glass.

10. The more you drink the dumber you sound; talk less or drink less.

11. The more you drink the more you spit while talking; talk less or drink less.

12. The more you drink the less charming you become; talk less or drink less.

13. If you stumble over your own feet more than once it's time to call it a night.

14. Never drink rail liquor so when you order that next Long Island Iced Tea or Blue Motorcycle make sure you say premium liquor. You'll thank me in the morning. (Rail liquor is those bottles of 3 dollar vodkas and 2 dollar cognacs that will give you a hang over from hell)

15. The female bartender is taken.

16. Dancing with a drink in your hand is only successful when you drinking from a bottle (beer, champagne, or whatever); so taking that Goose and cranberry to the floor is a no go. Plus if you spill a drink in Ms. Tonight’s hair she will surely become Ms. Missed Opportunity.

Have fun and drink responsibly your reputation may be on the line
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Rules to having a successful “Jump Off” relationship

***Some folks don’t think it can be done i.e. CaShawn***

Before I get started a Jump Off relationship is a temporary thing it’s more of a quick fix until the next “real thing” comes along or the sex gets old (which ever comes first). Now with that understood on with the response...

You can’t plan a jump off; it kind of just happens like when you got this great face to face sexual chemistry but talking on the phone with each other is about as stimulating as watching the Emergency Broadcast Signal on loop.

Having a jump off doesn’t mean saying “Look here I’m only going to call you when I need to get my rocks off” it’s more like an unspoken understanding once you speak on it you’ve tainted it and you might as well cancel that jump off ASAP. Being in a jump off situation doesn’t mean calls and text messages that start at midnight either; you can enjoy the company of your jump off outside of the bedroom but you understand that she will never be your girlfriend or vice versa.

And now the rules...

1. Being in a Jump Off relationship is a two-way street you both have to have the same mind set there is no room for jealousy or territorialism. In other words you have to be able to share and even let go if need be. Please wrap your head around that concept.

2. You must retain an “Oh well” nonchalant attitude if you can’t take the heat you can’t do a jump off relationship

3. Frequency kills. If you getting up with her once or twice a month you’re good, once or twice every 3 months is golden, but once or twice a week you’re headed for trouble.

4. There are no upgrades. This is the best it’s going to get you can only go down from here or fade away.

5. The moment you stop having fun WALK AWAY

Follow these rules and you too can have Jump Off success emotional unscarred and soul intact despite what PBG might have to say.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

In Current News (Just my thoughts)

200 pound chimp rips lady’s face off
I don’t want any pets that I can’t beat (man vs. beast) point plank period. If I buy a Pit-bull, Saint Bernard, Poodle, or the fucking gecko from the Geico commercials and I pull the leash and can’t move that motherfucker the next stop is the pound. Folks out here buying these exotic animals they can control have you learned nothing from Siegfried and Roy. What the fuck does a middle age woman need with a car stealing, Zoloft taking, 200 pound monkey? Buy a cat that shit never gets played out. If you stab a monkey with an 8 inch blade and he takes it in stride you know you done fucked up right. Does Hallmark have a “Sorry my monkey ripped your face off get well soon” card?

A-Roid
Ok Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire, Barry Bonds, David Boston, Fernando Vargas, Marion Jones, A-Rod and any other professional athlete that took performance enhancing drugs deserves a special award. If no else tells you “thank you” I’m telling you. Thank you for risking your hairline, career, penis, and your place in the hall of fame all for my entertainment. Yeah I know the better you play the more you make, but 250 million still can’t buy me a new ding-a-ling or replace these naturally flowing locs that are going down my back. A-Rod juice up all you like and hit a million homers; I hope the Yankees give you a billion dollars and I’ll watch all your highlights on Sportscenter in new admiration because you risked your dick to hit a ball far.


Chris Brown beat up Rihanna
Ok Chris Breezy beat Rihanna like a runaway slave and that’s some tough shit. She’ll probably sell like a million sympathy CD’s and her wounds will heal. Face it this beat down will turn into a come up for this young lady. Now on the other hand Shamika who lives 3 doors down from you is getting a mud hole stomped in her ass twice a month and can’t even get a lifetime movie but nobody gives a fuck either. Maybe we are giving these MILLIONAIRES a little too much of our attention.

Obama approval rating dropping
News flash people: Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was the global economy. It took 5 days to get water to New Orleans after Katrina. Did you really think that less than 30 days in office Obama was going to revitalize the economy, bring our troops home, and bring balance to the force in the universe? If so you’re a fucking idiot. The truth is it has yet to be seen if Obama is a great president or not and you won’t know it in the first 30 days nor the first 100 days or maybe even the first year. The good news is no matter how bad he might seem to the people that lack the ability to see pass next pay day he can’t be worst than Bush.

Hey these are just my thoughts
Jean DeGrate has spoken