A Choosing Season PSA
There used to be a time where you could spot a hoe a mile away. If she looked like a hoe, talked like a hoe, and acted like a hoe... well by God Almighty, she was most certainly a hoe. How I miss the golden era of clear-cut hoes. These days we have professional daters, attention whores, and dot.com freaks. (Dot.com freak - a woman that talks in an overtly lusty manner online but the entire time she probably hasn't had sex in 6 months and in-between status updates she's ordering shit off of QVC.) They all seem like hoes, but in all honesty, they're only wearing a hoe's uniform. I'm going to give you these signs that will prevent you from mistaking a thirst-trapping chick for a legit whore. Because hoes are going be hoes, and you don't want to get snowed in with a chick who has been fucked more times than she's had hot meals. So here's the list...
1. She has hoe tattoos
There're primarily two types of hoe ink: (1) fruit tattoos and (2) bad ink. Older hoes (normally 30+) love to tattoo cherries and strawberries on their body. I don't understand the fascination with it, but they normally place them in on a sexual area like the ass or the breasts. On her left titty, she has a pair of dripping cherries with the caption "juicy"? Yep, she's a hoe for sure. When it comes to bad ink, there're a lot of people in their youth, who let their homie give them a shady ass jailhouse tatt for the low. If they didn't get it covered up, they are still running around with loyalty tattered on their rib cage spelled "l-o-y-a-l-t-i-e" in Old English lettering. Welp, life comes at you fast. Now you have the grown women that proudly showcase their shitty ink for the world to see, those women are hoes. It takes a certain type of female to get bad ink in adulthood, and that type of female is the one who will suck your dick in the movies on the first date. They also frequent tattoo parties where they get new shitty ink by a guy using Stoli instead of rubbing alcohol; so she might also have hepatitis.
2. She's a syke-a-dyke
"Girls kissing girls because it's hot right? But unless they use a strap on then they not dykes. They ain't about that life. They ain't about that life" - Kanye West. There's a gang of girls out here faking their lesbian. They kiss girls, they talk threesomes, and even post pictures of phat ass half-naked women from time to time on social media, but they are not about to go get no pussy for real. They talk a good game to make them seem freaky, but on the real, they are just regular ass cum swallowing hoes.
3. She doesn't dress her age
Hoes love to dress like women half their age. There's actually legitimate science behind that because younger looking hoes tend to be more approachable, and nobody wants to be an unapproachable hoe. All of her date night clothes come from Forever 21? Yep, she's a hoe. She's 30, and her winter coat is a baby pink Helly Hanson/North Face/Spyder? Yep, 9 times out of 10, she's a hoe. She's rocking leggings under her skirt that look like a kindergarten class designed them? Yep, she's probably a hoe (or color blind). She doesn't own any shirts with buttons on them? Yep, she's a hoe. Her lip gloss has glitter in it, but she's damn near 35... that lady is a hoe.
4. She's a heavy drinker
Girls love their Patron, Ciroc, Moscato, and whatever liquor is popular right now, but that doesn't make her a heavy drinker for real. It doesn't even make her a drinker at all. They'll probably chase the Red Berry so much that it's not even vodka anymore, it's just juice. Nah, the real heavy drinkers will go shot for shot with you, and will hold her liquor like she's an Irishman. Her liquor of preference is whatever liquor you're buying, and it doesn't matter if Jay-Z drinks it or not. If she orders Goose and cranberry in the club, but it's light pink instead of deep red, that bitch is a hoe.
5. She constantly reminds you of the other dudes checking for her
Hoes love to let you know about all their options, especially if she thinks that you aren't giving her the attention she deems she deserves. Funny thing about it is when she says other guys are checking for her, she really means niggas are trying to fuck her. She's not counting the 1 or 2 thirsty dudes who will shoot her a text on regular basis trying to break out of the friendzone. Nah, she's exclusively speaking on the dudes who make reoccurring appearances in her phone, inbox, and DM's that have been given a reason to believe that pussy is accessible because they've probably already got the pussy.
That Hennessy straight drinking broad at the bar with the rainbow colored hair is a hoe
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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