The Top 5 Reasons Why I Friend Zone Women

It's a 100 dope reason to stick a chick in the friend beside the oh so obvious reason being that she is ugly as sin. Here's my other top 5 reasons why I put these bitches in the friend zone (and I mean bitches in the nicest possible way).

She has ugly kid(s)
Now that I am out of the baby making game this isn't as big as deal breaker as it once was because I surely won't be mixing my DNA with anybody. Nevertheless, as soon as I see those sea monkey looking fuck trophies posted all over her FaceBook account I know we will never have a future. You ever dated a bitch with ugly kids? She'll speak of these children like they are really going to have good looking people woes. "I know I only got a couple years before little boys start calling the house looking for Janae."  But in all reality unless Janae is on her way to being a first class whore that home phone will remain clear of young gentlemen suitors. I don't have time to keep hearing about no ugly ass kids and nodding my head like any of this shit will come in to existence. Friend zone, but no kid talks ever.

She is an extra value meal away from being obese
I unfuck women all the time, but its all types of stipulations with it and none more important than the 2 year zero sex rule. If I fuck a girl now that's on the very brink of falling off I have to walk around with her name on my penis resumé for the next 730 days. I refuse to let our thing elevate any further when I know I will be forced to have her existence expunged later on. Friend zone, but I will give her countless free fitness tips and even workout with her a time or two.

I met her when I was drunk
When I'm drunk I get r... let's just say I have less than gentleman like behavior when I've consume one too many alcoholic beverages. It's still amazing to me how I've managed not to get smacked in the club, but that's neither here nor there. The way I carry on in the club is totally unacceptable (not that I plan on changing) and any woman accepting of that conduct is either crazy or a hoe or a crazy ass hoe. She might not be any of things but I'm comfortable stereotyping her. Friend zone, but I still might smash and slang that BFF title at her. I'm not above it.

She consistently compliments herself
She thinks she's cute; hey what a coincidence I think that too (or at the very least she has a body that just won't quit). What I don't need is for her to constantly remind of her beauty. That shit is annoying. I get enough of women boosting themselves up and patting themselves on their back on social media. The last thing I need is fully dressed pictures coming to my phone showing me all the "likes" she got on IG as a attempt to remind how lucky I am to be dating her. Friend zone; save that shit for a dude who has never dated a chick worth being seen with.

She's poor
I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination but poor women are depressing. I once attempted to date one that considered TGI Friday's as fancy dinning; needless to say the date never came to be. Their lives are filled with so much struggle and it's in their everyday conversation. She treated herself to Subway for 2 days this week so it's PB&J for the rest of the week, only paying bills that come in brightly colored envelopes and a large assortment of other financial woes. Friend zone, but I have some dope penny stock to tell you about that might pay out in the long run.

Because I friend zone women everyday B
Jean DeGrate has spoke

PS No New Friends coming next week with helpful tips on how to stay out of the friend zone

PSS follow me on Twitter @ JeanDeGrate

The Top 5 (well 6 Reasons) Why it's Better to be a Woman

...than it is to be a man of course

(And if you couldn't tell I still don't have shit of merit to speak on this week)

Minus single motherhood women stay winning in some capacity; shit even hoes stay with a win or several. It's a lot perks to being a woman even if you aren't the most Halle Berryish of women (or whatever the new standard of attractiveness is that women are being held up to these days).

1. Make-up
Make-up is a fucking game changer it's like a real life cheat code (up down left right A B but on her face). The make-up artists these days would have been coming for Leonardo da Vinci's head during the Italian Renaissance, but instead of paint they use MAC products to make women seem 5 times better than they are. Sit down in the chair as a 5 and stand up 30 minutes later as an 8. All those blemishes are well hidden until her face finds water again.

2. Free shit
Free meals, free drinks, even free vacations if she's fine enough and a large assortment of other random yet dope shit. Everybody loves free stuff but you know who gets a plethora of free shit? Owners of vaginas and I really do mean free no strings attached shit. Yeah the person donating all this shit 99.9% of time has an ulterior motive but that's all on the female to feed into it or not.

3. Getting away with murder 90% of the time
Remember last year when that bus driver in Ohio uppercutted the shit out of that unruly young lady on the bus? Of course you do, I giggled just typing it. She had to push all types of boundaries to get that man to act that way. I know grown men that watch the video and said they would have taken the Jesus route and turned the other cheek. See unless a woman is unlucky enough to come across some Ike Turner type of guy she can get away with all types of bullshit and leave the situation without getting a spark beat out of her ass. I've seen women do and say disrespectful things that would have gotten a man in the same instance beaten to death.

4. Single mother sympathy
I don't know how this came to be but being a mother is considered one of the world's hardest job. I'm not sure how being a mom is harder than let's say; being a circus acrobat, prize fighter, judge or the guy that pulls the switch for the electric chair. Those all seem like pretty fucking challenging jobs but somehow taking care of the kids you made trumps all that (and this is coming from a dad). If you're a mom doing it on your own somehow the difficulty increases 10 fold and the world is there to give you a pat on the back then tell you how strong you are. You go girl.

5. More dating options
No matter how unattractive or how undesirable a female may seem some guys (yes plural) are checking for her. Those guys might not want to scoop her up and run off to alter with her but they would at the very least want to take her out for a date or two and try to get her into bed. Now for a man on the other end of the spectrum living that less than desirable life needs a boat load of money to circumvent it.

6. You can go gay and come back with no repercussions
Women go dyke every day. I know way more girls that have kissed a girl than I know girls who haven't and out of those girls that have kissed. I want to say at least half of them that have kissed a girl eventually made it to a full on box chopper a time or 2 or 10. The penalty of going dyke is nonexistent but instead it's a perk. Guys like bi girls. I don't even have the slightest inkling of interest in have a ménage but I'm intrigued by bi-sexual women. Bi bitches are winning.

Oh yeah and hoes still be winning so I guess that's 7
Jean DeGrate has spoken

PS find me on Twitter @ JeanDeGrate

The Top 5 Reasons Why It's Better to be a Man

...than it is to be a woman of course

It is a 1000 and 1 perks to being a woman but about 994 are immediately negated if you're an ugly bitch. Husky ugly bitches live lives harder than the character Oprah played in "The Color Purple" (Sophia). If this blog was named "Why it's better to be a man than it is to be a pretty woman" I couldn't get pass the title I'm sure of it. Good thing though most of these woman are only pretty in their minds, via Instagram filters, certain strategic camera angles under proper lighting and heavy makeup application. Thank you blog Gods because I extra don't have shit of merit to speak on this week.

1. We don't get periods
If you told me once a month blood would stream from my dick, I would experience moderate to intense abdominal cramping and mood swings I'd fucking flip out. Imagine ruining sheets, expensive chinos and jeans because you got caught slipping and your penis started leaking blood. Nightmare.

2. Only women can be hoes.
.Sluts, skeezers, rollers or whatever other delightful euphemisms folks have come up for describing loose women. I've tried and I've tried some more but I can't logically get around this double standard. Sorry ladies. I'm a hoe because I have slept with a lot of women but in all actuality I'm a stud. You know a guy that gets girls to have sex with him effortlessly, but as easy as I get women to get naked and fall on my penis if I was chick I'd get men a 100 times easier (even I were an ugly woman because niggas are going fuck regardless). Where I have to be some mixture of good looking, charming, well dressed and interesting to a chick fall all over me; a woman only has to noticeably be a woman and receive the same effect from the opposite sex.

3. Being in shape doesn't guarantee attractiveness
Unlike us men folk a woman's level of fitness doesn't necessarily assure that she'll be anymore desirable once her goals are met. She can get as tone as she likes but if her genetics are fucked it will all be for not. Ass like a pancake? No amount of squats can fix that. Body without curves? If she got a body like a box it's going to be boxy at any size 2 or 20; well I guess at size 2 she'd be more of a rectangle.

4. Child birth may very well ruin you
Child birthing often wreaks irreparable damage to the female body. The gym won't un-sag those titties nor relive that nasty case of raisin belly. I've witness some women with crazy bodies drop that first child and go from a strong 9 to a shaky 5 in 9 month's time; they almost never recover either. I got 5 year old and my 6 pack is still intact. Yeah me.

5. Dating someone bi-sexual is detrimental
If a guy ends up dating a bi-sexual female instantly the option for a ménage is on the table. He won or at least is on the outskirts of a potential win. A girl on the other hand ends up dating a bi dude it will end in tears. The door definitely doesn't swing as liberally in that scenario.

*Insert clever closing remark here*
Jean DeGrate has spoken

PS the female version will drop Friday or Tuesday yeah let's just say Tuesday
PSS find me on Twitter @ JeanDeGrate

Just Random Volume: That pop culture shit

Because I have random shit to say that doesn't quite meet up to length of a blog by my standards...

Ray J vs. Kanye
Even though Kanye is wildly more successful than Ray J will ever be; he's a relationship loser. His last chick is with Wiz and he dropped numerous diss tracks following the break up while she went on to live her life. She won. In this instance he's having a baby by a chick that sucked Ray J's dick on camera and the world has seen it. You can never live that down. NEVER. There is no comeback diss from "Your baby mother sucked this dick on film". Saying you fucked Brandy is an accomplishment to nobody including regular niggas such as myself. If I told the homies I fucked Brandy they wouldn't even question the validity of my statement they would just reply "so what nigga". In the hierarchy of R&B singers to smash Brandy is right above Angie Stone and Ledsi (and nobody is checking for them either). I'm still mad at Jason Pitt's character on the Game for dating her. Brandy = Nobody's dream girl.

Enough with the Rick Ross rape lyric
Look here with all the down right heinous shit that is rapped about on a regular basis I'm super sure Rick Ross date raping bitches can't be the straw that broke the camels back. Half of mainstream rap is murders, drug selling and drug usage, but this is what got you silly motherfucker in an uproar. Man shut that shit up. Most of ya'll ain't even buying music no way so it's not going to effect his bottom line if you're fucking with Ross or not. It was funny when he apologized to Reebok though.

Congress is investigating Jay-Z and Beyonce's vacation First and foremost... WOW. Like really wow. Besides the fact that I'm tired of hearing about ever fucking move Hov and Beyonce make in their personal life on social media it's saddens me to a whole new level when I fire up my Washington Post app and Congress is checking for them. They are furloughing people but got cash to blow on vacation investigations. What the fuck man? It's a rapper and a singer on vacation why do you care elected officials? Don't spend my tax dollars on this. I don't think anything celebrity related upset me this much since ya'll coons was screaming how Beyonce was faking her pregnancy.

I'm done with the Huffington Post
I was once in love Huff Po they used to drop edgy yet professionally put together journalism (kind of like what Complex online is now doing but way better) along with real news. Now they will let anything (and I do mean anything) make it off the editor's desk and on to my computer screen. Today's headline (and I bullshit you not) read "ASAP Rocky's Misguided Beauty Advice, Rapper Says Dark Skin Girls Shouldn't Wear Red Lipstick". It troubles me that a rapper would actually make his opinion publicly know on women's makeup practices but even more troubling is the fact that Huff Po thought it was even noteworthy enough to publish his quote from an interview done by another publication. Who the fuck cares? He's a NY rapper that dress like a woman and raps like he's from south of the Mason-Dixon Line. I expect this type of foolishness from MTO.

Kim K did turn that blow job into an empire though... shorty stay winning Jean DeGrate hasn't really said shit in this blog

Why I Blog the Way I Blog

I consistently ruffle feathers (overweight women hate me like I personally made them fat; I didn't they did it to themselves I just bought it up in a blog or 3). I even take a little bit of pride in getting these people all upset over my point of view and, more times than not, cold hard ugly truths. Shit some of you women think I hate women. I don't, I love women this is why I do this I want you to do better. I got a mother, sister and a daughter. As God is my witness my daughter will never be like most of these silly ass delusional bitches I come across. Well anyway this is why I what I do how I do it...

I'm restoring balance to the force
It's a billion plus guys on the web slanging all this simp like logic and lessons. Most of the time they don't even believe in the product they are slanging to the masses, but they do it for "likes", followers, the chance to make some cash and of course pussy. They don't make their true agendas known because it would taint  their message and of course when they are saying shit like "it's somebody for everybody" and "all women are queens" they need you to believe they believe. Nah. A lot of you are going to die alone and none of you are royalty that's just some asinine shit to make you feel better about yourselves.

I'm not concerned with alienating any pussy
For every chick that's condemning my negativity and writing off my message as erroneous bullshit, two more chicks find me hilarious and brutally honest. That's just online via blogging and Twitter. In real life were data isn't exchanged in binary code women love me. I'm good looking, in great shape, gainfully employed, an excellent conversationalist and a great dad. Women love me so much that I wear a wedding ring to keep them hoes at bay. True story.

I don't get paid for this shit
The only thing keeping me from blowing up is me. I'm not saying that in this optimistic "I believe I can fly I believe I can do anything" type of tone. No. I'm fully aware of my limitations. I got one of the biggest urban bloggers in my corner so all I have to do is give Panama a call and just like magic, instant exposure, fans and money. Instead I do this shit for free, zero perks, zero pressure and zero censorship. I'm allowed not to give a fuck and speak freely because nobody is dependant on my content or success.

You're all welcome
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Protocol for the Single Man in the Club or Bar

First off, I'm an average dude that does pretty well in the club. I'm not a local celebrity (I have 8 Twitter followers). I'm not 6'6. I'm in good shape but that has never gotten me any pussy; trust and believe by the time I get to taking my shirt sex is already guaranteed (these pecs won't be the deciding factor). I wear name brand shit but a hoe has never looked down at my shoes and said "Are those Gucci my nigga? I see you shining; I should give you some pussy". (Muscles and expensive shoes are only good for "likes" on Instagram; no practical applications in the real world though.) Good I'm glad the formalities are out of the way just in case folks think I might have a leg up on them.

Last week folks were on twitter talking about buying drinks in the club and all other types of party shenanigans. I was appalled that women really still expected men to buy them drinks in the club and I was even more appalled that niggas were purchasing said drinks.

Don't buy strangers drinks
Seriously don't buy strangers drinks it's an epic waste of money and time. Buying a drink doesn't even guarantee a conversation that will last as long it takes to finish the drink. Besides getting a "thank you" followed by her immediately turning around to focus on her friends; there are far too many variables that can go wrong with buying drinks. My personal favorite "drink buying" off set is when the most attractive member of the group gets some poor sap to buy her entire crew a round of drinks. With the cost of gas now a days who can freely afford to buy a round of drinks for a group of strangers? Oh yeah and you'll instantly be labeled a simp.

Be patience and wait for the bartender
Don't try to hail the bartender like you're flagging down a cab. Don't wave a 20 back and forth hoping he or she will notice that you are a paying customer or assume you are a big tipper. Be patience, wait and once you do get your chance to order tip in cash and tip well. That will alleviate the struggle of waiting for the bartender to serve you again because he will already know you tip well and will make you a priority.

Always get to the party late
If happy hour starts at 5 and ends at 8 show up around 630. If doors at the club open at 10 and the guest list ends at 11 show up at 12. Don't be the party starter that's the DJ's job. Don't be the first guy at the bar; that's lonely nigga's job. Walking into a dead event will kill your vibe and have you spending excessive money at the bar because in an empty party there isn't shit else to do but drink.

Manage your drunk
Know your limit and not because you might drink and drive and kill yourself clearly this blog isn't about your safety. It's thin line between slightly buzzing turned up guy and the bouncer is about to throw you out of the club and watch you land on your face wasted guy. Don't be the latter.

Oh none of this will get you any girls but it will keep you from alienating them
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Why Black Women Aren't Getting Chose

Side note - I exclusively date black women but I will and have totally fucked the shit out of a chick from another race.

Yesterday my homie Harry had me watching some documentary about black men in Brazil. Pretty much it was focusing on a group of lame ass black men that ran off to or frequent Brazil for a "better" class of females. They weren't getting it popping up here in the US, so they hopped on a plane to get popping down there. Just by watching these guys I could tell that either they would have to become sugar daddies or outsource to another race to date the caliber of women they were interested in. Anyway this foolishness got me to thinking why black women aren't getting chosen like they used to. Here's the Jean DeGrate theory...

Admittedly the dating climate has changed because men and women are now more equal they have ever been. With this equality comes pros and cons and black women tend to overlook the cons all whilst trying to capitalize on the pros. The black man is no longer an authority figure but still is expected to be a provider and protector. With that said black women don't behave in the way they used to but still expect to be catered to as they were living in a pre-equality culture. He will pay the bills but he won't call any shots.

Big time attitude
We watched these reality shows and sitcoms where black women are often displayed as sassy, uncompromising and argumentative. That persona is not too far off base. More times than not, black women are never wrong and require the last word in every debate and/or argument no matter how meaningless the topic may be. Vagina logic often over powers rational thought and somehow makes them above blame and prosecution for their faults.

You don't have to get on to get a white girl
Unlike back in the day when a black man needed to have all types of cash and status to get a white woman an average Joe can go out and get him a quality white bitch right now. And by right now I mean tonight at some random happy hour. Racism is still alive but it's surely not as strong as it used to be, so the requirements on dating outside of the race have lowered greatly. You want a Latina? Go and get you one. You want an Asian? Go and get you one. You want a white girl? There all over the place pick one start a conversation; ask her did she vote for Obama. Chances are when you're walking down the street with your new white girl the only ones that will be giving you dirty looks are the unchosen black women.

Black women are fat (a BMI of 25% or better)
(Let's face it; the looks of a potential are far more important to men than they are to women. That's why women wear make-up and revealing clothing while men wear Jordan's and T-shirts.) 4 out of 5 black women are fat and 66% of these fat chicks have high self-esteem. So let's break this math down a little better; out of 100 black women 80 of them are fat and out of that 80 you got 50 of them that think they are the shit. (Don't believe me? Please look this shit up on your own). I blame the bulk of this hubris on the misuse of the term "thick", but at the same time mirrors don't lie and a size 14 is size 14 no matter how you try to disguise it. Nobody is out here tracking down cocky fat bitches to settle down with. "I love over confident over weight black women" - No black man ever

Black men have ample options these days and solid reasons to stray from the sisters. Having matching skin tones isn't exactly a huge selling point when most dudes are already on light skin women heavy. Let's be honest black women aren't the only show in town anymore and they aren't exactly crushing the competition either.

Black vagina gets outsourced everyday B
Jean DeGrate has spoken