Why Black Twitter salary discussions don’t matter in real life

Hold let me turn on my mood music… *queues up Future’s “Fuck up some commas”*

You’re probably poor. Blog over. Now stop tweeting about it.

Okay you need a bit more than that. Cool. I’ll play along.

First just the facts

The median income in the United States of America is about 27k a year (or 135 $200 dates or 1,228 2 for $22 at Friday’s), so most of you motherfuckers only make $13 an hour. That means the $15 an hour “working wage” people are pushing for is about 3k more than what the average person is making right now. The average household income is 50k and 2 thirds of Americans make less than 42k a year. But guess what? Black people on average are making less than that (even with us colored folks dominating the NFL and the NBA); yes, black households only average around 35k. Unless you’re secretly flipping bricks and trapping out the bando while avoiding the IRS; the odds, the stats and the Man, that’s keeping you down, all say you’re poor (or at least a 2 out of 3 chance that you’re poor).

Women date broke men on a regular basis

A woman’s dating criteria more times than not is subjective at best and that’s a reach. If you listen to the average black woman’s type of 6 feet plus, bearded, tattooed, 1 or no kids, own car, own home and making an excess of 100k you know most men aren’t making the cut. If any of that held true myself and a lot of 5’11 and under brothers would be forever alone. Let’s keep it 100 though MOST women’s conditions are written in dry erase marker. Right now it’s a chick reading this on her cell phone riding the train into work because her unemployed, 5’7, baby faced boyfriend needed her car today to “run errands”. Two years ago “Netflix and chill” wasn’t even a thing now it’s the go to move. Binge watching OITNB while eating take-out from Outback and he doesn’t need to drive as long as he puts something on that Uber for the ride there and back. Prove me wrong and retweet this blog if you never let a broke nigga camp out in your pussy in your adult life.

You’re against the living wage

It’s crazy stupid funny how many average ass people are AGAINST the living wage. Do you think the prices at Walmart are going to sky rocket and that multi flavor 30 pack of Top Ramen is going to be $3 over the $2.50 you’re used to paying? I promise you implementing the living wage won’t eliminate the dollar menu at McDonald’s. It’s a 99% chance it won’t affect your life at all if you make more than $15 an hour currently. I would jump into the math of how it’s actually better for the economy and your taxes but I’ll save that shit for another blog. See the real reason you don’t want the living wage is you don’t want Daquan at Arby’s driving the same 08 Impala as you. Chances are you’re an old… “See, I’m washing lettuce. Soon, I’ll be on the fries, then the grill. In a year or two, I’ll make assistant manager and that’s where the big bucks start rolling in.” ass nigga and you don’t want to see anybody come up too fast shining on you. By the way that’s a “Coming to America” quote for all you 90’s baby. Plus if they up minimum wage how you going to tell another person to act their wage when you only making $2 more?

You give way too many fucks about how other people spend their money

Seriously you give way too many fucks and this is probably because you’re not balling. Sallie Mae trying to get that loan money off you. Eastern Motors wants every bit of that 38% financing on that 08 Impala with 200k miles on the dash. Child support got your check looking humble like you’ve been flipping burgers part-time instead of putting in 40 hours at your desk job. No matter the reason you’re so opinionated about how people spend money that didn’t come out of your pocket that you take it to social media and rant about people buying Jordan’s, weaves, iPhones and whatever shit is popping on the timeline. You make stupid comparisons like “if niggas wasn’t buying hover boards you’d have cars” like a hands free scooter is the same price as a Camry. Let these people buy the H&M x Balmain line in peace.

Twitpic your W-2 or shut the fuck up
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Me, Religion and Zack Morris

I was watching last night’s episodes of “Truth Be Told” you know (wishfully thinking but most likely you don’t know), its the new Zack Morris sitcom on NBC in the doomed Friday night slot when all the people that might watch this show are out doing way cooler shit. It’s not the best show but it’s not the worst show and I like Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris) and Tone Bell (a sitcom regular black guy with a beard). I’m 100% sure the show will be canceled shortly and 2000% sure it will never see a second season. Anyway last night’s episode was touching on religion or basically Zack Morris character’s preference to not raise his daughter with religion. Shocking isn’t it? TV taboo even.

Funny thing about it is… that’s my exact take on parenting and religion but, exclusively for children that used to live in my balls. I am not the “push my ideology on everybody else” type of guy. And no I’m not I’m an atheist or an agnostic (there is a difference), I’m Catholic but all the same there is no Santa or Jesus in the DeGrate household (minus my Jesus pieces and rosary beads and crosses). Until last week I thought the tooth fairy was still holding it down for me but Madi told me randomly “I know you’re the tooth fairy; I know you’re giving me money, I’ve always known.” Before you question me on letting the tooth fairy have her shine but no Jesus or Santa; the tooth fairy actually serves a purpose and those other guys not so much. How else am I going to get a 5 year old to allow me to snatch a tooth out of her head without the false belief of some mythical Tinkerbelle like creature is going to give her money? Oh Ok then.

See the thing is this… I’m not 100% sure; fuck it I’m not even 35% sure I’d be religious if I wasn’t raised Catholic. As a child when I was too young to know any better they spoon fed me Jesus, the boogie man, Santa and the tooth fairy. As I got older they pull the rug on all the other shit but allowed Jesus to cook I guess because he died for my sins and all. So here I am 35 going on 36 praying to a guy (or guys and a spirit) that I’m not sure I’d have stock in if I would have discovered the faith today. Like imagine having no concept of religion and stumbling across a bible at your local Flea Market (because you hipsters love flea markets). You picked it up 99 cents because its leather bound and the pages are gold leafed and if nothing else it will look cool sitting on your coffee table next to that piece of drift wood you picked up at Rehoboth beach last summer. Two days later your WiFi is down, there isn’t shit on TV and your cell service sucks in your apartment so you can’t even get on Twitter and there is the bible staring you in the face. (This shit is about to get real blasphemous so all my die hard bible fans and Jesus freaks it’s time to tune out.) “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”… How Sway and what the fuck does that even mean? Let’s say you skip all that and go to the dope stories like the Tower of Babel when the people were building a tower to heaven which seems mighty improbably since outer space exist an air gets very thin at extreme heights. Or how about Noah’s ark when they put two of each animal (predator and prey) on a boat and nobody ate anybody for 40 days and 40 nights; plus do you know how big a boat would have to be to fit two of each animal. Mad logistical flaws in these bible stories b; it could be the centuries separating the "word of God" and modern science, but as a grown-up it would be hard to swallow. Then we have all the savage shit that we just politely skip over in the bible like all that God sanctioned rape, murder and slavery. What type of God is pro-slavery and anti-shrimp? Shrimp is wonderful and slavery has been time tested as a rather shitty practice. I mean some people are allergic to shellfish but everybody is allergic to being whipped into submission as a slave.

As an adult I have a difficult time sorting through what should be applied to life and what shouldn’t be. I mean are women second class citizens or nah? In my times of need I just ask for guidance over turning to the good book. So how do I deliver this convoluted labyrinth of “religion” to my child? Instead I just install sound morals in my child and leave Jesus out of it. I leave that to her in adulthood to choose the path that was force upon me.

Maybe this isn’t so much Zack Morris and more me, Madi and religion
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Too “Good” for a Man

About a month ago some article from some arbitrary blog site rehashed some stats from a Forbes article from 2013 stating how single women outnumber single men greatly. Unfortunately for women the stats still hold true because in my city alone (DC) single women outnumber single men something like 17 to 1 (65k more single women than men), but Philly, NYC, Boston and Atlanta are in the same boat. Pretty much if you’re on the east coast and own a vagina its slim pickings. They again these are just stats and you’re a “Good” woman so you’ll rise above the rest right?

The price of pussy is on the decline
I’m not saying this because girls like me a little bit and I’m blindly fooled into thinking everybody is just at privileged as I am. Nope. The price of the brick has gone down. We can blame market saturation (which directly reflects to the first paragraph). We can blame it on social media. We can blame it on chivalry slowly dying out. We can blame it on the price of tea in China but sex is much easier to get than it once was. As the things that were once considered taboo are now general practice and acts that would once classify a woman as a hoe are waning; all the hoops us men folks used to have to jump through for sex have greatly downsized. Once upon a time men used to have to go outside and attempt to spark up conversations with complete strangers in order to get dates. Those days are so far behind us to the point they have a “new” name for trying to speak to and/or compliment women you don’t know, it’s called “street harassment”.

Other women are fucking up the game for you because you’re too good
Things that you aren’t willing to do for a man or deal with from a man because you’re too good (or whatever reason you have cooked up to place yourself above certain things), there’s a woman your parallel willing do just those things. Threesomes? She’s here for that. Multiple kids by different women? She can deal with that. Take out Chinese food and Netflix “come over and chill” dates? She’s cool with that because she’s more of a homebody anyway. Before you take me down this “Why would a man want a woman willing to deal with this that and the third” bullshit the better question is “why wouldn’t he”. Seriously, why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t he won’t nudes on demand? You don’t send those but the other women are. Why wouldn’t he a woman that’s down to come through and wash his clothes? You don’t because you don’t do wife things without a ring but the other women are doing it all the time. Why would he want to wait for some made up amount of dates/days before sex? You don’t have sex when you feel like it because you’ve place set rules before you can allow a man to have you but the other women don’t live by such limitations. So why would he settle for less from you when he can get more from your equivalent?

What you consider “good” doesn’t really translate as well as you think
I’ve said this a few times before but it can stand to be restated a few more times (or every day of my life), but all the things that you may think that makes you a good woman doesn’t mean as much as it does to the men you’d like to date. Being independent is dope and all but that’s part of being a grown up and not as big as a selling point as women make it out to be. The same goes for living on your, maintaining a job, having good credit and owning a vehicle as need be. All grown up shit. Being a good mom is dope for your children but sticking “Kayla’s mom” in your Twitter and Instagram bios isn’t winning over as many guys as you may think. Your designer clothing might have all your homegirls jealous and just because your favorite rapper name drops “Celine” hangbags in his club banger and you happen to own 1 to guys it either means nothing to us or worst it means you’re high maintenance. Whilst you might perceive these attributes as something that is pushing you above the competition none of these things ultimately mean shit to us for the most part. Things that hold a bit more value are… How much of what makes you, you came out of a bottle, a bag of hair or from a surgeon’s scalpel? How much attitude are we going to have to deal with on a regular basis? Can you hold an hour long conversation that consists of more than celebs, reality TV and gossip about your “friends” and family? How crazy are you? How crazy is your baby daddy? Are you looking for a man or looking for a sponsor? Do you look good naked or is it all fancy camera angles and waist trainers keeping your allure up?

You don’t compete
You’re way more average than you’d like to believe. You’re not a star. You’re everyday people. Sorry. You’re not a queen and probably not a boss either. Your halfcocked get rich schemes don’t make you a hustler. There are a whole lot of women out here just like you. They dress like you. Make money like you. Drive the same Accord/Malibu/3 series BMW/C class Benz just like you. How can you afford not to make a move on something you like? How can you afford to not try a little harder to stay high on the radar of suitors that interest you? I mean it’s 17 of you for everyone of him. You’re too good for all that right? You’re a good woman and good women deserve to be chased, wined and dined by guys on their level.

What if I told you Prince Charming isn’t coming because the not too “Good” girls have him busy?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The Concept of Marriage… Men Have it Right

I remember when my close friend Jason told me he got engaged, but first let me describe the closeness of our relationship. We go back to the 5th grade, playing basketball at recess. We’ve debated everything under the sun twice; from the existence of God to what rap label had the best hot streak (it was No Limit Records, don’t debate this). I know his parents and he knows mine. I’ve eaten dinner at his parents’ house countless times to the point that his father started cooking with me in mind. His little sister calls me her big brother. I was best man at his and his brother’s weddings. His daughter plays with my daughter. Yeah we’re that close, but like I was saying I remember when he told me he got engaged. He was in Delaware, where his now wife was living at the time, looking around in a jewelry store killing time and just like that he saw the ring he was going to propose with. See just in that moment he realized the girl that he was dating should be his wife. Just in that instant he recognized the need to be with her forever. Prior to that conversation we had never spoken about marriage.

We ascend to marriage naturally...
Wait I’m not saying that the way women go about marriage is unnatural, but that shit is peculiar as fuck. The current model of marriage for most women goes something like this…
A. Set dinner renovations for 2.
B. Show up to the restaurant alone.
C. Wait and hope someone joins you that meets your preset requirements.
I’m pretty decent with words and as convoluted as that premise may seem, that’s about as accurate as I can get (it literally took me 30 minutes to come with that 22 word analogy). Now, we men folk, take a much different route to marriage. We live our lives, chase a few dreams, accomplish a few goals and in-between it all that we date some. Out of that dating we might find love and out of that love we might decide to make the trip to Jared and marry that woman. Unlike our women counterparts the ideal of being married and being someone’s husband isn’t drummed into our heads. There is nothing taboo about being an unmarried 45 year old man (excluding being the old guy in the club, don’t be that guy). Marriage doesn’t exist to us until we have somebody we want to marry and not before.

Wanting to be married over wanting to get married...
Men don’t hold any preference in the pageantry of the ceremony or the engagement. We won’t be plastering IG with pictures of the diamond we got for you. Our tux is a rental along with the shoes and the cufflinks. When this day is over our wedding socks and boxer briefs will go into the laundry pile just like everything else and will soon be forgotten. All the spectacles on the path to saying “I do” is all for the women. We just want to be married and it doesn’t matter that much on how it all comes to be. There are no dream weddings for us. “Always a groomsman never a groom” – said no man ever in the history of matrimony. On the flipside, I know single women, and not that “if you’re not married you’re single” bullshit, but legitimately single women who spent the weekend cuddling up with Netflix and Talenti gelato that already selected songs to walk down the aisle too.

Marriage is a goal for women...
It’s hard wired into women that marriage is a goal. “Get my master’s by 25. Have my career off the ground by 26, 27 at the latest. Be a home owner by 28. Engaged by 29 and married by 31. First kid by 33 and second kid by 35; 1st a boy and then a girl. Visit Paris before turning 40.” A woman will look you in the eyes then lay down a timeline similar to that of her life goals and be dead fucking serious. How Sway? Trust me she doesn’t have the answers. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times women have told me “I expected to be married by now”. There is no mathematically equation or statistical analysis that leads them here. Nope. Women have been sold an imperfect and dated logic; the fairy tale of marriage. All the fairy tale movies Walt Disney has been dishing out, making little girls dream of being princesses and waiting around for Prince Charming to come and save them. Mothers giving daughters tip on how to be good wives. Even reality TV pushes the image of  marriage. Little boys don’t want to be princes they want to be wrestlers. Fathers and other male role models don’t push the idea of being a potentially good husband, they might tell you how to pick up some girls and promote condom use.

In your dreams of marriage does your groom have a face?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

When I decided to Hate Jay-Z...

So I’m siting at my desk reading this Complex article titled “Why Does Everybody Hate Jay-Z?”. If you follow Complex on Twitter or Facebook you already know 90% of their articles aren’t worth the energy used to click to open. Sorry Marc Ecko but your bullshit content over there is on 1000. I legitimately believe they spend more time cooking up click friendly titles than they do on the story following it. Fuck you Complex; unless ya’ll niggas hiring, because I can come up with some dope ass click friendly titles followed by 500 words of bullshit too. Fortunately this individual article wasn’t a steaming pile of shit that made me want to throw my cell phone down an open elevator shaft. Look at God. OK. Anyway even a garbage can gets a steak.

See Hov has been doing shit that has gotten under my skin for years but he’s like that homie you go way back with, so when he starts acting funny you just let that shit slide because you have history. I let it slide that the last time he did dope music was American Gangster in 2007. I let it slide that Kanye dogged him on Watch the Throne. I let it slide that the Blue Print 3 tour was ass. I was letting shit slide all over the place because that’s my man and you don’t turn your back on your folks like that.

Half way into the article it hits me like a bolt of lightning. I know exactly when I decided to hate Shawn Corey Carter, like down to the fucking second, well maybe not the second, but it was April 11th 2013. That’s when Jay-Z dropped the “Open Letter” song to respond about his controversial Cuba trip. Opening bar “I done turned Havana to Atlanta” and I just smacked my forehead saying “Nigga Please” out loud. Who the fuck does this Negro think he is? This wasn’t a 4.0 to 4.6 Range Rover comparison. How are you making rap songs about illegal vacations but danced around your committed relationship with your wife for fucking years nigga? It wasn’t even full-fledged hate it yet it was soft-core hate in the way people Mondays; it had a lot of growing to do and had to be fed to flourish.

Boy oh boy did Shawn feed it. 3 months later he dropped Magna Carta Holy Grail and it had me all hype doing the Birdman Hand rub as I illegally downloaded it from the Share Beast. This was that new exclusive Samsung hotness. Corporate America already gave this man 5 million without even a single. Nope nigga, you let me down again; more Shawn telling us how rich he was but this time he didn’t have Kanye to save him like he did on Watch the Throne. Then to add insult to injury the dopest track on the entire album was Beach is Better and it’s was 56 seconds long. Really Shawn? To this date I still can’t find the correlation between wearing Tom Ford and not using MDMA (Molly). Then the Barney’s shit followed up as soon as the summer ended only to see you Euro Step the controversy to get your Jay-Z Collection on their shelves. That was 2 years ago and you’re still feeding the hate today. Like when you took to twitter with the hash tag #TidalForAll to calm the negative press around your pointless streaming company, when Baltimore was literally on fire and we were just trying to get Justice for All. For a dude that rarely ever tweets you picked the best time to go on a Twitter rant. I understand you’re a business man and you’re about your business but you be on some other shit.

Yep the hate is real.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Don’t Tell Them

“Don't tell 'em. You don't even. You don't even gotta tell 'em. Don’t tell ‘em.” – The great urban poet Jeremih.

I remember when I was a child and an assortment of silly fucking grown-ups told me that “honesty is the best policy” on a regular basis. Truthfully speaking those conversations often ended with a belt landing on my backside. Those were the good old days when you could still beat your kids and not fear prison and/or Child Protective Services showing up at your front door. None of that has anything to do with this blog I just took a quick trip down memory lane. Anyway life has shown me sometimes honesty is not always the best policy; especially when it comes to your past relationship exploits. Honesty has its place but when you’re dealing with affairs of the heart the truth just might set you free and leave you lonely. All the wrong shit and some of the right shit you’ve done should be avoided in conversation at all cost. I’m not saying lie, but yeah go right ahead and lie.

Texts from exes
It’s hard to believe, but for most cordial and even genuinely friendly PLATONIC relationships with former flames actually exist in real life. And no, not just on white network television sitcoms. And no, one or more parties for the aforementioned relationship has turned to same sex dating. If you’re one of the lucky people to still be on good terms with an ex you might want to keep those text messages on the low. Some real innocent shit with 1 too many emojis attached can mean something downright out of pocket to your current significant other. Just make sure you keep everything on the up and up if the text thread ever sees the light of day.

Your best sex
If Tyrone used to make your left thigh shake just thinking about it; keep that shit to yourself. If Keisha once sucked the soul of you, and you hopped up then took her shopping immediately afterward; nobody needs to know about that, specifically your current love interest. If they ask you about who put it on you in the past you reply swiftly “Ain't nobody kiss it like you” and change subjects, FAST.

You’ve cheated
Unless your current main piece used to be your side piece or you got some sideline babies running around these streets, there is no good reason under the sun to bring up your past infidelity issues. If your cheating days are behind you bringing them up in current relationship won’t aid in alleviating any worries in your new relationship. Would you trust a kleptomaniac as your maid? Then you probably wouldn't trust an admitted cheater with your heart and that’s exactly how your new romantic interest is going to view you. That knowledge will plant seeds that will grow into full out suspicion over every unanswered called, unreturned text message and every reason to get stuck at the office. When she sitting Indian style at the front door waiting for you to walk in and then asks to smell your dick just know you did this to yourself.

What you did for your Ex
I’m not a jealous dude. I’m not even the type to be in competition with another dude. My ego isn’t set up like that but the idea of girl holding down some other dude and she’s not trying to do the same for me will drive me insane. “Fuck you mean you not taking off to wait for the cable man? You took off to go to some loser ass repeat offender niggas court trial but you won’t sit in here so I can get HBO? You better call in sick or something. Let me walk about in the house and this cable don’t be on.” Maybe when you did what you did for your ex you were in a different place. A little more gullible, a little less able to prioritize with or own things, or you just don’t feel the same about you current love interest as you have felt the love before them.

Things that your ex did and he/she doesn't
Keisha paid your back child support, put a cellphone in your name until you paid Sprint what you owed and used give you the best head any time you even looked like you had a tough day at work. Keisha was an angel. Guess what though? You & Keisha are done. Same thing goes for Jamal. It doesn't matter how much your mother loves him because he shoveled her snow every winter. It doesn't matter how much money he gave towards your house bills and never even asked for a key. It doesn't matter if he treated you son like his own because you two are done. Don’t try to use any of the things to motivate your current love interest to do anything and damn sure don’t bring in up in an argument in an attempt to shame them. You already have lost Keisha & Jamal don’t lose Ashley & Mike and bring up old shit.

Seriously don’t tell them
Jean DeGrate has spoken

A Second Chance… Anthony Stokes WTF

Two years ago Anthony Stokes received a heart transplant due to much controversy. See Anthony was a bit of a juvenile delinquent and at the age of 15 he had a criminal record along with numerous problems at school. I remember reading the article stating how he was originally dropped from the donors list because of his behavioral issues (which was code for “nigga you ain’t about to be shit”) and was deemed a waste.  When I read the article I was heated, but this was after activist had already came in and saved the day without creating a hash tag movement, so my opportunity to speak out on the situation had already passed. I was still upset, in my eyes it was unjust and this was without pulling the race card. How could you possibly deny a CHILD a chance at life? Where was the moral ethics at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta? How do you tell a parent “We would save your child’s life but his conduct is kind of sketchy so we’re just going to skip over him on the list”? I wanted heads to roll, I wanted people fired, but then I realized he got the transplant and I’m just a sometimes blogger, so maybe I should just relax.

This might be a bit redundant but Anthony Stokes what the fuck dude?

If you haven’t read the articles about this young man let me catch you… In 2013 he was happy to have a second chance at life and intended to clean up his act. He wanted to finish high school and attend college then go on to start his own computer business. He forgave the hospital staff for judging his character, because God says forgives, and he promised to stay out of trouble. Yeah, people often find God when facing hardships, especially death. Ok fast forward to Tuesday (March 31st). Anthony Stokes is dead. He crashed a stolen car into a pole during a police chase. He was 17. On his way out with a bang (for lack of a better word), in the midst of a home invasion gone wrong he shot the resident of the house and hit a pedestrian prior to the crash that ended his life. Aside for that his Facebook account is littered with images of him holding guns, wads of cash and smoking weed; so the writing was on the wall.

Second chances

I’m all for second chances, and third chances, and fourth chances; EXCLUDING instances that are life effecting. I don’t know who else was in need of the heart that Anthony received. See when I read the original story I had an glass half full point of view and I expected him to turn it all around; I also didn’t put any thought into who would die so he could live. I’m pretty sure it was another candidate on the list that wasn’t a criminal to say the least. I’m pretty sure that there were several other candidates that would have truly cherished a second chance at life. The doctors were playing God when they decided not to give Anthony a chance but isn’t that what doctors are paid to do? Sure we can all say nobody could have known how this would play out, but be honest we had a pretty good idea. Would you choose Anthony for a heart over your law abiding daughter or next door neighbor or the teenager that always remembers your coffee order at the Starbucks across the street from your office just because his name was next on the list?

What’s a human life worth?

Sure the Declaration of Independence says “All men are created equal” but this was written by a bunch of slave owners so I’m not sure how much faith they had in the statement. The truth is we aren’t equals. Some of us are assets to society and our fellow man and some of us are drains on society and are the reason why car alarms exist. No matter what type of person you, I or anybody else would like to think we are, what we are is a sum of our actions. Anthony was a juvenile delinquent at the time he was passed over by Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. He lived up to what he was considered to be and inflicted harm on others prior to his own death. Anthony didn’t just lose his life his lost the life of the child that went without.

I hate it when we live up to what “they” think about us
Jean DeGrate has spoken