Simping vs Tricking

I was going to get into this for the last rant but this topic deserves a little more fleshing out and we were on the brink of an election. I’m not one to distract from the bigger issues hand. You know, being socially responsible and shit. Well the election is over and I don’t want to talk about. I’m actively avoiding all election related news until it’s all sorted out.

Cool?

Cool.

This entire post was inspired by a tweet I saw when I was in FB jail and forced to stroll around the Twitter streets. It read something to the effect of…

“It’s crazy how a dude with give you 3 stacks to throw in the strip club but will only give you 300 to start your business”

I didn’t see anything wrong with that. It made perfect sense but the tweet went low key viral; making it crystal clear to me that people didn't didn’t understand the difference between tricking and simping. Well as your favorite internet personality to hate that’s actually the same in real life I’m here to clear it all up for you. Let’s get into these definitions…

Simping – foolishly over catering via financial and/or physical aid to the emotions, wants and needs of a person in hopes of building and/or continuing romantic interest.

Tricking – financial aid in the forms of gifts, trips and cash payouts EXCLUSIVELY for the purpose of gain sex and control.

Quick side note - Tricks and simps are almost exclusively men. Sure there's a handful of chicks that will handover their tax refund for their little dope boy boyfriend to get back in the game slanging 3.5's for 20. There's also a couple women floating keeping her dude in Jordan's and Hugo Boss outfits that not bringing shit to the table but dick.

From a wide scope tricking might feel a lot like simping. It’s not though. A simp will love you or at least be deeply infatuated with you even to his own personal detriment. A trick would never. Nobody is going to rack up the L’s via acts of service and funds spent for a person that doesn’t want them back like a simp. Whew child, the absolute ghetto. Simps will be your best friend and confidant. They listen to your gripes about the job, your kids, your next door neighbor and even your current romantic interest over dinner and drinks and still play the bill at the end of the night. Simps will leave work early to pick your son up from football practice. They’ll cancel weekend plans to help you move into your new apartment and make those trips to Ikea with you. Simps are fully invested in your overall welfare because they are invested in you and the idea of being with you in hopes that you see the value they add to your life. The downside they tend to be wild fucking annoying and clingy. Simps almost never just be cooling on some hit my line if you need some help shit. Nah. They will purposely attempt to interject themselves in every aspect of your life and lead the league in "without me" statements I.E. you posted pics from brunch last Sunday that "you went to brunch without me" text is coming.

Now tricking on the other hand is way more carefree. You know how they say it ain’t tricking if you got it? Well it’s still very much tricking but to be a trick or at least a mildly successful trick you need to have a nice amount of disposable income on hand at all times (yes, in excess of $40). I feel like these next statements are common sense but being that common sense isn’t that common anymore, I guess I have to say it. Tricks typically stay in their weight class, tax bracket or whatever the kids are calling it these days. If he's working for Metro he'll hold off on trying to capture the attention of the IG girls with 100k+ plus followers and aim towards the chick working the Tuesday day shift at the local strip club. Finding girls that’s been on your timeline recruiting people to flip 20 into 160 are his niche. Mainly because anyone willing to ruin personal relationships over 160 will probably go ape shit over a shopping spree at Tanger Outlets. But the art of tricking is a bit more fine-tuned than that because it’s also about control. A trick will never give you the tools to be self-sustaining. No. No. No buddy. That is bad for business and extremely counterproductive. You know the saying where you give a man a fish and he eats for the day but you teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime? Yeah tricking is the exact opposite of that. They are handing out fish only and never fishing lessons or fishing rods. Yeah that top notch yellow fin Ahi tuna going for $60 a pound all day everyday over the $40 fishing rod on clearance at dicks sporting goods. If you want to go to Tulum your trick can make that happen. When the social media was going back and forth of Birkin bags your trick will, at the very least, fly you in with LV Speedy 35 bag. You want to get certified for lashes and micro-blading? Oh no a true trick will have no parts of that. That my dear falls under empowerment and that is not a tricks lane. The true downside of tricking is it tends to be short lived. Tricks are always in high demand and they are almost always in the market for something new. A trick will drop some bands on you, have his fun and fall back like a screen door in a windstorm.

A trick will easily drop 10k in gifts and shit for 25k worth of head but a simp will drop 5k in hopes of having you.

Tricks make your life a little more luxurious

Simps make your life better

Jean DeGrate has spoken

Tricks are ruining the Dating Game for Women

I’m not anti-trick. I’m not pro-trick either. I don’t trick but I’m indifferent to the practice all together. I understand it. I often spend money to shorten the distance between point A and B. If I want a buzz now I’m not going to drink 5 $3 happy hour beers; nah I’m just going to get a double shot of Black Label with a splash of ginger ale for $22. I’m also not going use an hour of my precious time washing my car when it’s a team of folks 5 minutes away that will wash my car in 15 minutes for $20. So I fully understand spending the money I have readily accessible to cover ground faster. With that said I’ve been paying attention to the changes in the game for my own personal research.

 

Maybe before I jump to far out of the window I should define “trick” and the act of “tricking”.

 

Trick – a person that uses financial means to gain romantic attention from possible love interests.

 

Tricking – the act of buying affection via monetary means and unpaid labor (putting together Idea furniture and shit).

 

I’m glad I got that out of the way. Aren’t you? Of course you are.

 

There are two levels of tricks…

Rich dudes; that fall under that ever so cliché labeling of “It ain’t tricking if you got it” so the money they spend isn’t a guaranteed showing of effort and interest. A guy that’s sitting on million plus can afford to buy a few pairs of Louboutin’s and not even notice it.

Regular dudes; guys that lead with their wallets to circumvent genuine sexually chemistry and affection at greater risk of financial setbacks.

 

Then it’s two categories

 

Short term tricks that just want to see what that mouth do once or twice or maybe three times. Might keep her around for a season while showering her in gifts and money but when it’s done it’s on to the next one.

 

Long term tricks are the golden ticket. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. They turn into boyfriends, husbands and sugar daddies that buy purses just because and cars with red ribbons on it for birthdays.

 

Ladies dream of the long term tricks. The men with those supposed old world values in today’s landscape of equality because it’s a man’s job to take care of his woman and family. The “my woman never needs to spend a dime as long as I’m in her life” guys that pay all bills and buy gifts, flowers and candy like every day is Valentine’s day. To be perfectly honest I want a love like that. Love me enough to pay for my everything while I pocket all my earnings. Who wouldn’t want that? That’s why the homie drinking that 24oz can beer standing in somebody’s living room preaching about paying all the bills is going super viral.

 

Now here comes the plight of being a woman in search of a trick or used to being tricked on

 

These long term tricks are few and far between and the rich long term tricks are even rarer, like an albino crocodile. Why do you think leasing luxury cars is the wave right now? That Benz is only going to be hot for 3 years after that it’s going to be something way hotter out. If you have the means why the fuck would you keep driving that old thing? Even when you look at the women (who don’t have definable careers) that have a history of dating ballers they tend date men of lower social rankings as they move thru the industry. Amber Rose went from Kanye to Alexander "AE" Edwards? Trick culture is always to be upgrading and always keep the baddest bitch.

 

It takes a while for a woman to restore to factory settings

 

Women love to take the good and set that as the new bar meanwhile side stepping the bad. Quick story… I used to date this young lady and by date I mean I used to invite her over to sit Indian style on my living room floor while eating chicken wings with mumbo sauce and watching bootleg movies. It was the original Netflix and Chill but whole time it was a vibe. We laughed. We fucked. We had a blast. It was a guaranteed good time right up until some dude took her on a first date to Cancun. Yeah, fucking Cancun. On some baller shit. On some “what you doing this weekend” shit. On some “you got a passport” shit. On some “you trying to shoot to Mexico right quick” shit. She went and had the time of her life. Came home on cloud 9 with a good tan. It’s nothing like 4 days and 3 nights in 90 degree weather on somebody’s beach in the middle of November. That whole situation with homie lasted about 3 weeks. Of course he captured the pussy a handful of times and went about his balling ass business. With homie long gone it still took her 2 years to come back to eating chicken wings with mumbo sauce on the living room floor again. See here’s the thing a woman could be a Ruby Tuesday’s dinner, a MK bag wearer and the moment some dude buys her a Gucci bag and dinner at Ruth Chris she’s instantly a Ruth Chris woman. She instantly knows her worth and her worth is now Gucci and all new suitors need to meet her there. Now the next 5 dudes will be held to the unrealistic standard set by the trick before them. They’ll be broke boys and phck boys until her default settings kick back in. The downside about that is it might take a year and 2 new dicks or it might take 6 years but during that time the dudes that might be her speed are moving on with life.

 

Just imagine holding out for your prince charming and he never pulls up

Jean DeGrate has spoken

Having a Girlfriend is a Lot Like Having a Kid

If you didn't know; I own a child, an 11 year old girl to be exact. If you were wonder, yes, she’s an asshole like me because the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree but that doesn’t have anything to do with this blog. Anyway it's a show that I watch on The CW and last year towards the season finale Madi made it explicitly clear that I was no longer allowed to watch the program without her. Cool. I dig it, plus I love it when our interest in programming aligns because it often does not. I'll watch scripted programming via network or streaming apps and she'll be watching some other other shit on YouTube. The new season of The 100 started and I have the new episode queued up and ready to go but the seed is no longer with the shits. I fire it up and she smoothly walks out of the room. WTF. "Hey, this is The 100." She never responds. I walk out into the livingroom to double down and before I open my mouth she says "I don't remember what happened last season, I don't want to watch it." Blown. Luckily this isn't spoiler TV because I don't think anyone watches this shit but I could have seen this episode 3 days ago if I wasn't holding out for her.

I talk to a few of my homies that are in relationships and they do the whole hold out to watch shit. I know a guy right now that's been off of social for a whole month trying to avoid Game of Thrones spoilers because his girlfriend hasn't finished season 7 yet and he has to wait for her. Do you know how hard it is to avoid Game of Thrones spoilers? It's bigger than social media that shit is everywhere. It's literally watercooler talk now. This got me to thinking about how many things that my child and the ladies in my life have run me thru. It's low key a lot but I'm just going to touch on a few.

Being forced to do shit I don't enjoy

Much like having a child; having a girlfriend means being dragged to events and pretending like you’re enjoying yourself. Concerts with artist you couldn’t give a fuck about. Dinner parties with people you can’t stand. Sip and paint parties; I mean who doesn’t love painting something fit for hanging on the side of a dumpster while drinking $6 a bottle merlot at $8 a glass? Men suffer thru it though. Trying new nasty food at expensive restaurants. But we smile and push thru it because a big part of her happiness is acting like you’re with the shits.

 

Holding trash ass conversations

Unfortunately it’s widely frowned upon to tell your children shut the fuck up when they embark on a topic you have little to no interest in. This is also true when it comes girlfriends. So you ended up in a bunch off illogical vent based conversation replying “Wow, that’s crazy” repeatedly. Having to hear about her little friends and their problems is a whole ass headache. Having to hear about your co-workers is a whole ass headache. Just this week alone I couldn’t imagine having the Ayesha Curry conversation because I know what she said and what she means but having to defend all every hetero penis owners would be crazy. Just in case women didn’t know; Ayesha said what she said but what men heard is “I’m lightskin and nobody wants me but my millionaire all-star 3 time NBA champion husband that's madly in love with me because I’m an ungrateful slut shaming basic bitch.”

 

Paying for every outing

I know when I hit the streets with the seed I’m picking up the tab. Madi isn’t even going to look up from her Nintendo Switch when the waiter brings the bill out. You know who else doesn’t look up vagina owners. You know all the outings that I was talking about previously that I knowingly won’t enjoy? Yeah it’s a 97.9% chance I’m paying for that. So when I’m pulling up to this new chocolate and wine infused tapas restaurant that just opened up but it’s all the rave on IG; I already know that’s on me no matter how much of a train wreck this meal will be. Kids are like a broke best friend but girlfriends are typically in a better tax bracket but they aren’t reaching for that wallet and that's just the cost of doing business.

 

Yeah I could shoot off a few more but maybe I’ll drop a part 2 eventually

Jean DeGrate has spoken

Dating SHOULD be selfish

I felt like I’ve said this before or something to this effect. I ran through my old blogs for about 6 minutes and I didn’t find it. Granted, I have about 300 blogs and 6 minutes isn’t long enough to look for anything, but I quit all the same. Whatever I wrote, if I did ever write it, was probably dated and filled with typos.
 
Anyway...
 
Let’s get into it.
 
I think we date wrong and when I say "we" I mean ya’ll.
 
I think we don’t have fun (or at least as much fun as we should be having) with dating because we’re doing it wrong.
 
So like the title says, I think dating should be selfish but before we get into the selfish shit we should do an honest assessment of ourselves. Looking for potential people to date should be like buying a car. You’ll have to sacrifice some of the things you like and what’s based on where you’re at in life. If you want a Benz, you have to be able to support a Benz and the issues and maintenance that come along with it. You might really need a Toyota with low up keep and you can pretty much just put gas in it and drive. This car analogy applies more to the fellas and the lesbians that look like Mannie Fresh.

Now for the ladies, you have to know your worth and not that “I dated 5 lames so I deserve a guy in the NBA” bullshyt. I know women hate competition but it’s competition out there and it’s INTENSE. Trust and believe you’re not one of a kind and your kids are only a gift to you and it doesn’t matter how much you make because you aren’t paying for dinner on this date. So reel in your dreams of dating Idris Elba and come on down to Earth. I don’t think I need to do a step-by-step procedural write-up for any of you grown folks right? Right. But just in case you’re confused just remember these few hints:
A.            Exceptions to the rule exist but you’re most likely not it chief.
B.            Whoever you think you should be dating shave 3 points off of that unless you’re rich.
C.            Ask yourself “would you date you” and answer honestly and why.

 
Now on to the selfish shit:
 
Once you have your REASONABLE criteria together it’s time to put your wants and needs first.
 
You got it together?
 
Good.
 
Let’s move on.
 
Compromise is for relationships.

Let me retool that statement. Real compromise is for REAL relationships. I know some of you people take shit extra literally and hop back on my line saying “well you said” shit. Basically don’t cut the new boo out just because they prefer drums over flats or they’ve never seen an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’. Now if you don’t want to date a man with kids then you totally shouldn’t date a man with kids. If you don’t want to date a man under 6 feet then don’t entertain a dude that’s 5’11. If you want to date one of these flat tummy tea body type women then keep that energy the whole way. Maybe you're about that 3some life but this new person is not with the shits then you have to walk on by. The only time you need to change your dating criteria is when your dating criteria is no longer working for you and/or your preferences have changed. The worse thing in dating is settling for something you didn’t really want then when it doesn’t panned out you feel like you wasted your time. In actuality, you played yourself. If you go out for chicken and come back with a hamburger but you don’t like the hamburger that’s all on you. (Side note - telling somebody that you don’t typically date someone like them is never a compliment no matter how dope you think you are.)
 
Don’t be afraid to let that shit go at the first sign of smoke.
I, and I’m pretty you have as well, have had some pretty amazing first dates. The chemistry was hitting on all cylinders. The vibe just felt like home and the person you barely knew seemed so in tune with you that it felt like you’ve known them all your life. One of the best dates I ever had started off all wrong. I picked her up and drove about 45 minutes away to Jillian’s (a Dave and Buster’s type of establishment but with a more adult theme). When I got to the door I realized I left my ID and the security wasn’t trying to take this $20 bribe. By the time I made it back home and grabbed my wallet Jillian’s was closing in an hour. We were both hungry and the only sit down eating place still open was IHOP. I don’t remember what we ate. We were both 100% sober. We had hours of dope conversation and made fun of people passing by, ‘Til this day that was longest amount of time I’ve ever spent in an eating establishment that didn’t have a game on. It was wonderful. Then she called my 26 times the next day in the span of 4 hours. The first 3 calls I was still sleep. The 4th call I took under the belief that it might be something pressing. It wasn’t. She just wanted to talk. I didn’t because I was still very much tired and told her I would hit her up later. Then 45 minutes later she was back to calling me. I answer the 2nd call. She asked me if I was up yet upon me saying “hello” and that she missed me. I knew in that moment that would be the last time I would ever heard her voice. I knew something that I didn’t know 12 hours prior… she was needy and it wasn’t a way around that. This was a drastic example but there are all types of things that pop up during dating that are cause to cut ties. People tend not to lead with worst traits so you have to witness it yourself and then hit that first exit ramp.
 
Don’t give love a chance.
I’m not a romantic but there are very few love stories that start out of mediocrity. If you and the person you’re dating are getting along just fine; everything  is just ok, then chances are you’re at the peak of it all. I'm saying don't wait for love because love is not coming complacency is. You settle into good enough and talk yourself into to believing your in love. The magic isn’t just going to pop up and that’s ok because that's how dating goes. Remember “good enough” almost never turns into “great” unless they have that bag. 

 
Put yourself first; your love life isn’t a charity.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Women having male friends doesn’t stop or encourage cheating

I’m like 407% sure I’ve written on this before. I could probably find the blog but it’s most likely riddled with typos and not worth rewording. So I’m not even going to look.

 
The other day the homie Charmel posted a question of the day asking men is it a turn off if a woman has a lot of male friends. Some of the dudes felt some sort of way about a woman having a lot of male friends because men are men and shit. That is very true; men are men and shit. See men, especially male friends, make men insecure because men know a thing or two about men. They are often waiting for their moment to do some man shit. They probably ended up in the friend zone after failing to do some man shit. Oh and by man shit I mean attempting to capture the vagina because men tend to have keen razor sharp focus when it comes to that certain objective. Funny thing is a man doing man shit has nothing to do with a woman because it’s ultimately up to the woman. We’re going to put a pin in this for right now. I’m going to swing back around though.
 
Hi.
I’m Jean DeGrate and I have a lot of female friends. And yes I know I’m not just an ordinary dude and I’m not on some typically man shit as before mentioned. But listen though… Having a plethora of female friends vs the amount of those ladies that threw the box at me is a sad comparison. I might have a grand total of 8 women that hit me with the “Why did nothing ever happen between us line” and I’m pretty sure that was exclusively out of need to stroke their own egos. I might have 3 women that have straight up offered me the cheeks in my 43 years on earth. I’m a pretty decent dude and let’s just say my platonic female friends for the most part have remained platonic female friends. None of them ever tried to violate any of my relationships, if anything they were on some congratulations shit for those moments in time I wasn’t single.
 
Ok one more time
 
Hi.
I’m Jean DeGrate and I have slept with a lot of girlfriends and wives. And yes I know I’m not just an ordinary dude and yes I was off some typically man shit. But listen though…None of those girlfriends and wives were my friends. Not a single one of them. Come to think of it a lot of my friendships with women ended when they started a new relationship because men aren’t comfortable with women having male friends. Tangie is one of maybe 3 female friends that our friendship survived a boyfriend. So much so that her boyfriend turned husband is my Facebook friend and if I call her phone right now with him in ear shot he’ll say “what’s up”. True story. Now back to all that infidelity I’ve participated in… I’ve met these women out in the streets and via social media but I didn’t have to press too hard, if at all, to get this cheating on and popping. Why you ask? They was already about that cheating life.
 
Owning a vagina is nothing like owning a penis. Women have always have a dick in the glass to break in case of emergency and that dick is called “old work” because it’s be tried, tested and true. This includes ugly women, handicapped women, nuns, dom lesbians and  whatever other women you can think of. Women don’t need to cook up all these elaborate ways to hide dick in plain sight under the guise of friendship. This isn’t like vagina where ground work needs to be laid, wining and dining needs to take place or payments need to be received. Nope dick is free and readily accessible. So swinging back around to my original starting point… Yes men will continue to be men and do man like shit but none of that matters if your girl isn’t open to it and it doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, a guy she met in Miami on a girls trip or her switch hitter from way back when that’s been sitting on the bench since before she even knew you. In regards to women; we men give them far less credit than is actually due because when it comes to the sex women have us beat hands down in the will power department. Where us, on the flipside can get aroused by a stiff wind and are ready to risk it all after the 3rd beer. Never forget that Kobe Bryant almost went to jail because he had unprotected anal sex with a random hotel employee in Colorado who had semen of several other men in her panties.
 
In closing if she’s going to cheat she’s going to cheat
Jean DeGrate has spoken

These Fuck Boys Be Acting Up and You Women Be Letting Them

2018 was a banner year for the poster child of the fuck boy movement. If you’re wondering whom I’m speaking of, well that person is none other than Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn better known as Future. I cannot think of a single song Future released in 2018 but I do have a top 3 phck boy moments from him though. “You gonna cry in this Phantom or that Nissan?” is number one if you were wondering. I found it so amusing. It was so entertaining that I forgot he actually made music. Ironically, in the same vein that was so tickled with his antics I’d be absolutely appalled if a woman I knew was treated this way.

 
Before ya’ll jump down this Future has money BS let me kill that shit right now. Money isn’t even the motivating factor because it’s plenty girls choosing to cry in a 2009 Challenger with 155k miles on it instead of the 2018 Maxima they signed the lease on last year. It’s still a lot of women out here playing Yvette to a Jody from Baby Boy that’s getting dropped off at the train station every morning so he can ride around in her Honda Accord all day, smoking reggie pretending it's loud.
 
The unmitigated gall of these fuck boys is amazing. Like who gave these guys the idea that they could even move like this? Oh yeah that’s right it’s you women. For every Offset there is a Cardi signing off on this shit and for every Jody there’s an Yvette.
 
And since we’re here; there is no better place to start than cheating.
 
It’s commonly known that men are way less forgiving when it comes to infidelity. I want to say it’s pointed out every single day how unwilling men are to deal with the cheating issues that women deal with on a regular basis. Almost as if it’s a double standard when it comes to cheating; which is ridiculous. How can we imply that there is some sort of rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to men versus women? In order for that to be a valid claim there need to be sort of system in place that allows more lead way for men than for women in the exact same situation right? Unfortunately this is no such system. It’s just women letting shyt slide on a purely case by case basis. Where most men if placed in the same situation would just walk away. Like how many women are successfully bringing home side babies? You have the Virgin Mary and maybe like 10 other women in the history of mankind.
 
Maybe that’s too big of a mountain to climb right now because you have to get in the door before you get to cheating.
 
Yeah, let’s get into some of the smaller scale fuck boy antics you women entertain on a regular basis that leads to the eventual fuck shit.
 
We’re 3 days into the New Year and this is prime time for a “hey stranger” text message under the guise of season greetings. That happy new year text that starts off so innocently that rolls into casual small talk often ends with “so when you going to let me taste you”. Of course since I have a plethora female friends I get screen shotted these types of text threads by the dozens. It was a time in my life that I needed a backstory. I needed to know how we got here. Now I get the backstory for shits and giggles; the history doesn’t even matter because 99% of the time he already displayed fuck boy tendencies but they continued to entertain him.
 
And that’s how fuck boys get a running start
 
Women stay letting shit slide and fuck boys are habitual line steppers.
 
Before anything even gets deep the fuck boys are going to test the water to see what they can get away with. As soon as fuck boy does something out of pocket a woman needs to dead that situation. And by "dead" I mean block and delete. Don't see the error in his ways and try to make this a teachable moment. Nope. Just block and delete but women don't often move with that type of energy. These dudes get 3 strikes before even getting a good date under their belt. Instead of telling these dudes to get fuck on women are hoping on social making memes about the bills they have to pay in response to a “WYD” text. Women are complaining about their time being wasted like they can’t hit the eject button at any time. Women always trying to figure out exactly where the fuck boy got them fucked up at and more times than not it's in the very fucking beginning.
 
See the thing is this before these fuck boys can pull off these amazing Future like fuck antics they have to start with baby steps. They slowly nudge women into the mindset that has them subjectable to the full range of fuck boys shenanigans. They've been training all their romantic lives to accomplish fuck shit.

Yeah y'all been with the shits; aiding and abetting the fuck boy movement
Jean DeGrate has spoken 

The King of R&B (and no, it’s not R. Kelly)

The R&B king of this generation is most likely Chris Brown even though the idea of setting the mood to Chris Breezy’s “Take You Down” makes me cringe. I’m also 57 years old so it is what it is. Being old really taints your view of shit and sometimes I do want to yell at the top of my lungs “You kids don’t know shit about music” whilst shaking my fist angrily as I blast some Luther Vandross. I’m not going to do that but that’s how I fell sometimes. Anyway the whole Jacquees king of R&B debate wrapped itself up with pretty much with nobody including Jacquees’ mom consenting to the idea that he was ever in the running for the crown.

 
And I wish the debate would have ended there but it didn’t.
 
Nope.
 
We couldn’t leave good enough alone.
 
We had to get Robert Kelly into the conversation.
 
For the sake of debate let’s just pretend like R. Kelly wasn’t a sexual deviant and focus exclusively on the music. Cool? Cool. The good people over here at the accountant firm of DeGrate, DeGrate and DeGrate have crunched the numbers, ran the stats and R. Kelly is not or has he ever been the undisputed king of R&B. Despite what your aunties would like you to believe he has never worn the crown but he was definitely in the neighborhood for a good 8-9 year run; so I can understand your confusion. So you’re probably wondering who the real R&B king is? It’s Usher. Let me tell you how.
 
R Kelly only predates Usher by 1 year. R. Kelly and Public Announcement’s “Born Into the 90's” dropped in 1992 and Usher came out in 1993 at the age of 14 with "Call Me a Mack" off of the Poetic Justice soundtrack. I’m not going to hold you “Born Into the 90's” charted and out sold Usher’s debut album “Usher” that only went gold. The the 90’s goes to because he dropped 3 back to back to back multiplatinum bangers (it almost makes you forget that he was married to 15 year old Aaliyah at the time, almost). The only 4 people that had a better 90’s run than R. Kelly are Madonna, Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston and the motherfucking GOAT Mariah Carey. So if this was a king of the 90’s debate it would definitely be R. Kelly hands down. Usher didn’t even make any real waves until he dropped “My Way” in 1997 and killed the game. You couldn’t escape "You Make Me Wanna..." which went double platinum on it’s own.

Let's fast forward to 2001.

Usher didn’t put the game in the chokehold until 8701 dropped in and went 4 times platinum then he followed up with Confessions that sold 12 million in 2004. You know who sold more albums than Usher in 2004? Nobody. Usher moved more units of Confessions than R. Kelly did with Untitled, Double Up, TP.3 Reloaded and Happy People/U Saved Me combined. Kells dropped 6 solo projects in addition to 2 joint ventures with Jay-Z and still failed to have a better 2000 – 2009 run than Usher Raymond who sold over 20 million records all by himself.
 
Let’s keep it a buck both artist have lost a step in the new decade but Usher vs R. Kelly post 2010 isn’t even a fair fight. Usher has killed it on several seasons of NBC’s The Voice. He owns 3% of Tidal. He’s a co-owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers and still managing to go platinum unlike Robert Kelly. The last R. Kelly hit is a song he stole from Bow Wow; "I'm a Flirt (Remix)" and that was in 2007. Once we add the Trap in the closest series to this and when he was running around wearing a mask calling himself the Pied Piper of R&B I don’t even understand how this was even a debate. Can R. Kelly sing? Absolutely. Is he the king of R&B? No fucking way.
 
I could stop here and I should stop here but let’s be honest with ourselves if it wasn’t for Usher we’d have to give it to Luther. Even though Luther was singing to Freddie Jackson his catalog is untouchable and timeless. I mean who doesn’t love Luther?
 
Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The Top 5 Greatest Finesses of All Times

I love a good finesse. I’m not a scammer but if scamming was a spectator sport I’d be all for that shit. I might even take a scamming class just to get a better understanding of the scam. Some of my favorite movies are finesse films, like Ocean’s 11 and The Usual Suspects. But you know what’s better than a finesse movie? A historical finesse. A celebrated finesse. Finesses so great that people can’t even see it as a finesse. They are literally dripping in finesse; word to Bruno Mars.

 
1.            The birth of Jesus Christ
I’m Catholic but I’m not stupid and ya’ll can miss me with all that “God moves in mysterious ways” shit. I know a finesse when I see one. I just imagine myself in the position of Step Daddy Joseph when my wife came home to tell me she’s pregnant by God especially since God created a fully grown man out of clay. Why wouldn’t he take this tried and proven path again is beyond me. The sice game Mary laid down had to be legendary. Not only did his “virgin” wife come home pregnant on the day of the child’s birth 3 other dudes pulled up with gifts and shit and to top it all off, somehow someway, Joseph stuck around to raise that kid. What does a baby need with myrrh? Ya’ll putting perfume on infants? Weird flex but oh ok.
 
2.            Thanksgiving
Even though this is number 2 on this list it’s clearly number 1. I’m just typing these up as they fall out of head. Little known fact about me… I don’t have an outline like ever. Do what you like with that info. The Pilgrims rolled up on Plymouth Rock and finessed the Native Americans out of an entire country. The entire Western movie genre was based on making Native Americans out to be the bad guy. I might have seen 10 legit Native Americans in real life and this is their country. I know as I’m writing this some of you are still eating leftovers from the celebration of the greatest finesse of all times. 
 
3.            Kim Kardashian (and the rest of the Kardashian Mafia)
I don’t know what Kim Kardashian does. Kim Kardashian doesn’t know what Kim Kardashian does. Kim Kardashian can’t even explain to her children why she is famous. Her dad wasn’t even OJ’s lawyer he was a homie that read a letter to the press. Fast forward 10 years and Kim becomes Paris Hitlon’s personal concierge and foot masseuse then BOOM she “leaks” a lackluster sextape with Ray J and then Ryan Seacrest gave her a reality TV show. Now she’s wildly famous and wildly rich. She even married the artist formerly known as Kanye West.
 
4.            Drinks in the club
My drink of choice in these streets is a double shot of Johnnie Walker Black Label with a splash of ginger ale. It typically runs me anywhere from $18 to $26 depending on the venue; once I throw in a tip it might be a $30 drink. What’s in a double shot exactly? 3 ounces of liquor and a lot of ice cubes giving you the impression that your glass is full; it’s a lot like the air in a bag of potato chips. Funny thing is a fifth of Black Label is about $30 bucks which translates into 8.5 double shots. This isn’t just true for my drink of choice; it’s true for all of them. The mark up is incredible. For the price of a beer you could get a 6 pack at your local corner store. For the price of a bottle of Hennessy you could get 10 bottles from your local liquor store. And we all know this but we still pull up to the club and slam down hard earned cash for a 500% markup on average.
 
5.            Car Insurance
I have a 1996 Lexus SC 300. It’s a car I wanted when I first started touching money but I didn’t have a way to explain this money. I used to fantasize about pulling up in this car (and the 92 Acura Legend coupe and the 90 Nissan 300zx to be fair). Anyway I got the car about 9 years ago drove it around town and then parked in 2014. Side note if you let a car sit for 4 years everything is going to break. It only took like $3500 and 6 months to get this car road ready again. So all of this had me doing the math on everything I’ve put into this car and it shocked me to find out I’ve paid more in car insurance than anything else and this car has never been in an accident. I dropped just under 10k for the possibility of something happening and they aren’t going to give you any of that money back. State Farm is taking your money month after month, year after year; just in case of shit.

 
What’s on your top 5?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
 
 
 
 

5 Parenting Duties I Would Gladly Contract Out If I Were Afforded Such Luxuries

Thanks to the internet I know that Gabriel Union had a surrogate for her first and only child. (And yes I know this old news but I’m going to talk about it anyway.) I also realize she had like 9 failed pregnancies. I can totally appreciate the “why” she did what she did. Clearly this was the only way for her but some people on the internet felt some kind of way about it. People on the internet always care about how the rich and famous carry on in their private lives and love to add their 2 cents. Myself, on the flipside, I was taking notes. It got me to thinking how many of these parenting duties would I outsource if my money was long enough. Just during infancy I probably would have never changed a pamper, burned myself trying to figure out if the formula was the right temperature or went shopping for baby clothes because all that non-descript bullshit got 2 wears max before it went to charity or the trash. Yes the trash. Anything she had an explosive shit in never saw a laundry basket it went straight into the dumpster. Anyway those days are behind me so let us focus on the now.

 
1.            Cooking
My child is 11 and we only eat a handful of things in common; bagels, bacon, fruit snacks and yeah, I think that’s it. Every time I turn on the stove with the kid in the house I’m making 2 totally different meals. Her meal then my meal. It sucks. Mainly because I’m hungry right the fuck now. Let me hire a chef and buy one of those dope ass 6 range gas Viking stoves. Get us out of the way chef. So Madi and I can eat our totally different meals at the same damn time like a family and shit.
 
2.            Being a personal driver
Saturday when I was sitting outside of her dance class for 2 hours watching CBS’s terrible Friday night line up on my phone I was thinking I could still be at home. When I’m driving up to the school and that “we’re within 2 blocks of the building but it takes me 10 to 15 minutes to get to the front door” traffic; I need a driver. At her age it’s a ton of places I’ll be taking her to that I’ll probably be sitting outside of waiting; like this honor roll fall harvest dance last month or piano lessons.
 
3.            Discipline
This is another thing people never tell you before you have kids. Disciplining your kids sucks. In order to punish your kids you have to punish yourself too. You have to play warden. If you had a fun weekend lined up you have to cancel it because your kid doesn’t want to act right. I know I was taking the kid to see the Dead Pool Christmas movie but I also wanted to see the Dead Pool Christmas movie so none of us get to see the Dead Pool Christmas movie. You’re punished by proxy. Also I don’t beat my kid but I would assume that intentionally inflicting pain on your child would probably wear heavy on your soul.
 
4.            A chaperone
You know what I hate? Little kids’ birthday parties. They are trash. I mean the kids seem to be having fun but let’s be honest it doesn’t take much to entertain kids. A few dollar store toys, space to run around to act crazy, pizza and birthday cake is always a recipe for success. While my kid is off doing her own thing I’m stuck with these parents in this endless repetitive paradox of pointless small talk. “She’s 11. Your kid is 7; I remember Madi at 7; hold on to those moments, he'll be grown before you know it. She goes to KIPP. Oh your sister’s kid goes to KIPP. Dance and piano. Your kid is in soccer; that’s what’s up.” You know what’s missing at little kids’ birthday parties? An open bar. Two double shots of Johnnie Walker’s Black Label would change the whole mood, but if I got ripped at the party who’s going to drive us home? Or more importantly who’s going to stop me from making a move on that single mom that keeps smiling at me from the other side of the moon bounce. “Hey Tabitha’s mom.” Nevermind that, an open bar is recipe for disaster. I need a chaperone that’s going to stand there for the 1 to 3 hours or however long it takes to sing happy birthday and cut the cake then bring my child back to me. This also applies to field trips because I’m never in the mood to go to the pumpkin patch or the air and space museum.
 
5.            PTA meetings
First and foremost all meetings are trash. I once quit a job because they had a mandatory once a month unpaid meeting and I just couldn’t stomach attending it after the 1st month. Every meeting I’ve ever attended in my entire life could have been summed up in an email that probably would take 5 minutes max to read. PTA meetings are equally trash but you feel the need to attend them because it’s about your kid’s future and shit. It’s a trap tho. Teachers aren’t honest. There isn’t a teacher in the land that’s going to keep it 100 with you if your kid wasn't even qualified to be a door stop. They always shower your kid with accolades and they say something like “but he’s easily distracted” instead of saying “Your kid is stupid and probably has a side of ADHD”. I’ll hire this stand in and the teacher can tell him whatever then he can run me back the cliff notes version if there is anything of note at all.
 
Yeah, I need to be rich.
 
What parenting duties would you outsource?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The 5 People Who Shouldn’t Come To Thanksgiving

Before I get into this let me say something up first because I know some of you are out there thinking “Well who is JD bringing to Thanksgiving?” The answer is nobody. I’m not bringing a single fucking soul. Even if I was in a relationship I wouldn’t bring her out either and I’m going to tell you why. Because I ain’t. That’s why. Ok, seriously, even if I’m in a relationship it’s safe to assume I’m seeing this woman at least twice a week and now I got to bring her to Thanksgiving where she doesn’t know anybody but me. Nope. I’m not about to entertain her, bail her out of awkward conversations and field questions from my family about my intentions with this young lady while she’s sitting right next to me. I don’t want to even entertain all the side conversations my family is going to have behind her back. If she brings a dish nobody is going to eat. My nicer family members might put in on the plate and push it around a bit but you better believe it will never touch anybody’s lips. Now I got to ride home with her while she’s asking me why nobody ate her mac and cheese or her store bought pie. Ain’t nobody coming to Thanksgiving with me. No thank you. I’m also not going to anybody else’s Thanksgiving; I’ve even stopped the whole I’ll swing thru and pick up a plate shit.

 
Now back to you good people.
 
1.     The clingy person
That person that’s going to call your mother “mom” when meeting her that first time is the person you don’t want to bring to Thanksgiving. They going to be playing fantasy football with your uncles. Following all your cousins on IG and becoming FB friends with all your aunties. They will implant themselves into your family tree and well after the relationship is dead and gone they will still linger. They’re like vampires; once you invite them in they’re here to stay.
 
2.     Folks you’ve dogged out to the family
You told your cousin he’s been cheating and now they’ve been cyberstalking his ever move on IG. You told your mom she’s bad with money and she just bought the 3^rd designer bag that she can’t afford. You told you brothers he grabbed you up and choked you once when he was drunk and now the whole night they plotting on beating his ass while saying slick shit to make him jump out of pocket. Family is going to talk to family so as unit they’ll be side eyeing your boo in unison.
 
3.     The 5^th significant other you’ve posted on social media this year
Some people fall in love fast, hard and often. If you’re one of those people that have 30 people in your heart that you thought was going to be forever your family might be sick of you and the revolving door of baes you keep bringing to the dinner table.
 
4.     The person you cheated on the ex your family actually like with
Nothing breeds contempt like the new boo that comes after the boo the family really liked unless that new boo is the homewrecker that messed it up with the old boo. Your family is about to be wild shady to them and no phcks will be given. “Hmm Kesha used to help clear the table.” “Dre used to bring VSOP Hennessey and Ciroc. Nobody here drinks Cuervo, so you can take that when you leave.” “Oh we don’t have any more chairs at the big table you going to have to sit at the kiddie table.” “You don’t even look like you know how to play spades.” There will be big shade. There will be endless awkward moments.
 
5.     The finicky eater
Thanksgiving is a time to throw down. Some of the dishes you haven’t eaten since last year Thanksgiving you’re going to over indulge on. People eat until they hate themselves then take a breather and put some sweet potato pie on top of it. The dude on the paleo diet, the girl that’s gluten free and folks with nut allergies and shit; leave these people at home. Especially if your family are seriously about traditional Thanksgiving dinner. 
 
Who aren’t you bring to Thanksgiving?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
 

The Most Annoying TV Kids of 2018

TV is trash right now. This might be the worst fall season of TV I can remember. I did however finish that Netflix Sabrina show with the seed over the last few day even though Madi mentally bailed out around episode 4, I think. It reminded me of how much I hate TV kids. Excluding the kids on Black-ish. Those might be the best TV kids since Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties. Random and unrelated but, for me to respect Stranger Things as a horror series they’re going to have to body a main character next season. One of those kids have to die if they want me to stay as a viewer. Way too many close calls and these kids keep coming out alive. Ok back on task… I’m pretty sure I can do a top 100 of all times because I have time and a lot of gripes but I’m assuming you don’t have time and probably a slight case of ADHD. I know every word I type is in constant competition with a meme from Dexter’s Laboratory and whatever rehashed topic that’s trending on Twitter right now. Look at me distracting myself while I talk to you about being distracted. Shame. Anyway I don’t think people talk about how terrible TV kids are and I’m willing to be the pioneer to this shit starting with my top 5. Oh let’s do this.

 
1. Charlotte Byrde - Ozark
How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. I’m not actually going to count the ways but I’m at the point where I even hate her stupid face. I understand that her whole life has been uprooted and now she’s stuck in the middle of nowhere Missouri. I definitely understand, I once spent the weekend at my mom’s house and she lives in Clinton, MD, 22 minutes outside of DC, and I considered ending it all but this was season 2. Charlotte had a whole ass 10 episodes of season 1 to adjust to life at the Lake of the Ozarks but nope; she’s still being a little fucking prick. She’s embezzling money. She’s running away. She’s acting all types of wild like she’s not privy to the Feds and cartel watching.
 
2. Sabrina Spellman - Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
First off Kiernan Shipka looks 13. She’s 19 in real life but she still looks 13. The series begins 4 days prior to her 16th birthday but she still looks 13. Secondly despite how dark this show is Sabrina has this breezy happy go lucky vibe about her like the Dark Lord aka Satan ain’t coming for her soul. Besides the fact that she believes that she can outwit the devil she bends over backwards to help her mortal friends (especially her boyfriend Harvey) that tends to cause my damage than good. More importantly she never takes advice she’s only ever accepts help. Maybe a large part of being a terrible TV kid is being a blonde teenaged girl.
 
3. Spencer James - All American
You’re probably not watching All American because it’s a show not focusing on a super hero that airs on the CW. Let’s keep it 100 the CW doesn’t really offer much and since we are here... that reboot of Charmed is trash. Moving right along… the general plot of this show is Spencer James, a high school football phenom playing in Crenshaw, who is recruited by Taye Diggs who coaches for Beverly Hills then moves him in to his home. In my mind I’m expecting like some Fresh Prince of Belair type of situation. Nah. Spencer suffers from daddy went out to get a pack of cigarettes syndrome that leaves him with a permanent chip on his shoulder. Spencer is also trying to save his female gay BFF from joining a gang run by the most, mild mannered giving back to the hood, gang banger ever, Shawn Scott.
 
4. All of the kids - Single Parents
I like Brad Garrett. Don’t judge me. I watched every episode of Fox’s “Til Death” because of Brad Garrett. Don’t judge me. Knowing that Brad Garrett was in this show I decided to give it a shot and all the kids are trash (excluding Brad Garrett’s twin girls). I’m not even sure how it’s possible to raise kids that exhibit none of the traits of the parents but in this show that’s what’s going on and they are all annoying. If I was father to any of these kids I’d be a dead beat daddy so fast.
 
5. Dr. Shaun Murphy - The Good Doctor
I know technically Shaun is an adult but he acts like a child and its annoying as shit. I loved season 1 of the Good Doctor. The premise was so heartwarming. Like come on son; an orphaned young surgeon with autism and savant syndrome that beat the odds. I don’t know the actually statistics on a person with autism making it thru medical school and into a residency program but it has to be a 1 million to 1 because I’m pretty sure if there was an autistic medical doctor out here I would have heard about it by now. Anyway the warm fuzziness this show used to give me has worn off and if I’m sitting in a hospital bed then Shaun yells out “cut his foot off he has diabetes” after seeing a rash on my elbow he’s going to catch these hands. He has zero bedside manner and they’re not even setting up a buffer for this guy. Yeah I’m sick of Shaun.
 
Who are the TV kids you hate?
Jean DeGrate has spoken

She doesn’t like you yet

You have her contact info. You’re on her line. Maybe even have one or two dates under your belt but she isn’t necessarily enthusiastic about anything about you. It’s a vast assortment of reasons why she isn’t feeling you yet and possibly will never feel you and most of it has nothing to do with you. Let’s get into it.

 
Off top this isn’t 1998. Getting a woman’s phone number isn’t half the feat it used to be. I’ve had several female homies exchange number with dudes just so they can go away only to block them moments later. It’s a cold game and dudes are extra persistent. Like ridiculously persistent. It’s a thin line between eager and thirsty and that line is exclusively determined by her perception. You ever seen one of those romantic comedies where a young lady is at the bar then rolls up on a random dude asking him to pretend to be her boyfriend to escape the guy that just can’t take a hint? You do? I’ve been the pretend boyfriend on at least 3 occasions and stumbled into some cheeks because of it once. Thank you thirsty dude. But for the sake of this blog let’s pretend you got her contact info because she was as a minimum 25% interested in you at that moment you shot your shot. Cool? Cool.
 
Women are famous for forgetting what they like about men
You ever see a woman bashing her ex; hating every fiber of his existence? You ever ask her “well damn what did you see in him to start with’? You ever get that wildly vague response like “he had a good job and his teeth were white”? You know something so generic that if you were on a crowded subway platform you could point out 20 guys that fit that build? True story; I know 3 women that have kids by guys that had “good government” jobs as their crowning achievement. Now that’s a guy that she’s spend some serious time with and been intimate with; so the guy she met at happy hour Monday after the 2nd Cîroc and cranberry isn’t going to standout at all.
 
Women hate dating and traditionally find men annoying
It’s really amazing that half of the human race gets offered free food, drinks and entertainment from the other half of the human race but aren’t remotely enthused about it. Unless it stops of course. Women love to be wanted but are hardly ever motivated to entertain those fascinated parties. It’s a woman reading this right now that has already turned down 3 dates for Saturday with no plans at all. She has no interest in dating until you find a way to break thru and prove yourself other than annoying but that’s a hell of a hat trick and most men never make it pass their text messages being left on read.
 
Women don’t trust men
Men are a tricky bunch and we tend to have a motive in the way we move. And by “a tricky bunch” I mean we trying to trick women out of that pussy; just in case that got lost in translation. Even if you have the most earnest intentions the last 20 guys before you in your same position didn’t so you’ll have a pretty interesting time trying to set yourself apart from the crowd. It’s so many guys that were interesting, charming and a breath of fresh air in comparison to the other guys she’s come across lately then BOOM..
Popped up with a live in girlfriend
Had 3 secret children
Sent an unsolicited dick pic
Lives in his grandmother’s basement
Or whatever else that just pops up out of the blue to make her take an immediate step back and block his everything. Now you have to trying to climb over this mountain of bullshit that the guys before left in your path plus the last 3 nightmare dating stories her girlfriends told her.
 
Somebody else has her attention
If she’s checking for another dude/fucking another dude you’re on the injury reserved list. It’s very little you can do to change that. It’s all on the dude to fuck up and make room for you to slide in; if you’re even next up.
 
Ok somehow someway you made it thru to the other side (you probably won’t but let’s keep this on the glass half full energy). Don’t fuck this up.
 
You think she’s playing games but she’s really not checking for you
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Hip Hop Doesn’t Age Well

I get it now. I didn’t get it before. I thought I did but I didn’t.

I didn’t really understand why the old fogy hip hop historians were always mad. I didn’t comprehend why they vocally screamed to the top of their lungs for anybody to hear it, that hip hop was dead. The Lil Uzi Verts and the Young Thugs of the world had ruined rap music like there hadn’t always been “trash” rap music on the top of charts in every era.
 
“My waist bone's connected to my hip bone. My hip bone's connected to my thigh bone. My thigh bone's connected to my knee bone. My knee bone's connected to my hardy-har-har-har.” – a trash can rapping
 
It was simply the changing of the guard. A new sound from new voices.
 
400 Degreez is one of my favorite rap albums of all times. It holds a special place in my heart. Who I was in in 1998 was really close to what Juvenile was spitting over Manny Fresh’s beats. I wasn’t rocking Reeboks and Girbaud jeans but the other shit; yeah I was with that shit. I said all that to say; I attended the “Legends of Southern Hip Hop” show at the DAR Constitution Hall a couple of weekends ago and Juvie was the headliner. The lineup was extra solid; Scarface, 8 Ball & MJG, Pastor Troy and Project Pat but I noticed a few things strange. First off crowd participation fell flat; all that "I rap and let the crowd finish the line" shit wasn't working. They didn't remember the words outside of the chorus. Also, as I made my trips to the bar and the bathroom I observed that everybody was old and I’m old but they were older than me. I might have been the youngest person there or at least in the bottom 5%. It was a lot of 70’s (maybe even 60’s) babies raised in the 80’s in the building. I can’t remember ever feeling like the youngest person in attendance and I’ve seen Hall & Oates in concert 4 times and their last big hit was in 1984 (Out of Touch). I was 4.
 
I’ve always said these so call hip hop heads don’t buy music and don’t attend concerts. That very much holds true because you could have legitimately seen 5 gold and platinum selling artist for as low as 35 bucks and the auditorium was half empty. I don’t anybody in my age that’s not a Scarface fan and I don’t know anybody in my age range without 35 bucks to blow at a moment's notice but, I only saw 2 familiar faces in the building. On the flip side I only know a handful of Young Thug fans but his shows always sells out. Your favorite artist isn’t selling because you old heads aren’t pulling up to the show or pushing play. Music is free. You don’t have to drive down to Sam Goody or Tower Records for the latest Nas album. Nope it’s right there on your phone built into an app that you’re probably not paying for anyway and all you have to do is hit play. It’s like magic; you hit play and your favorite artist gets a check. Unfortunately, the problem is way bigger than you fake hip hop heads being disloyal.
 
What makes rap great is the same thing that makes it extra contemporary. It’s regional. It’s a reflection of right now. It speaks directly to the listener in that exact moment. Right the fuck now, you can turn to anybody and ask them to name their 5 favorite songs from before they were born and not a single rap track will be listed. Think of yours for a second... is there a rap song in your top 5 from yesteryear? In my mind Run DMC is great but at the same time I can’t imagine listening to 3 Run DMC tracks in row, in entirety, on purpose. I just tried and I failed. Nope. There’s in no reach back quality for the next generation. This is why Rich Homie Quan didn’t know the lyrics to “Get Money” at VH1's Hip Hop Honors show a few years back. It came out when he was 6 years old. He wasn’t checking for that. He was still watching Barney and Friends. Fire up YouTube right now and find a hip hop cover with a million views. I haven’t even looked but I seriously doubt you can find one. Now Boyce Avenue has made a whole ass career out of singing other people’s songs. Unlike R&B and Rock and Jazz you can pull up the sounds of old and make them new again. Jodeci’s cover of “Lately” is better than the original (sorry Stevie). The Dixie chicks killed Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”. Nobody’s ever going to do a remake of “Rapper’s Delight” and you’re perfectly fine with that. Rap might be the only form of media that’s such a huge part of the culture but isn’t revered by the generations to come after. On the flipside Maze Featuring Frankie Beverly hasn’t dropped any new music since 1993 but they are playing the DAR Constitution Hall on November 24th because those hits don’t get old.

Damn you hip hop
Jean DeGrate has spoken

We are doing way too much

I came from a much simpler time. Like 20 years ago shit was way different from the way people carry on today. It’s amazing when I look at now and then. Like if I was asleep for the last 20 years and woke up to this I would think people are idiotic, fortunately I was awake to see the gradual change so I know people are silly at the very least and absolute fucking morons that shouldn’t be allowed to procreate at most.

 
Anyway…
 
So last week I’m sitting at my desk minding my business and reading up on Dennis Dickey, an off-duty Border Patrol agent, having a gender reveal party and accidently started a wildfire that burned up 47k acres and caused over 8 million dollars in damage. He fired a shotgun at a target expecting to release pink or blue powder instead it exploded and started a fire. Which brings me to the first topic of doing way too much…
 
Gender Reveal parties are doing way too much

I don’t even know the purpose of a gender reveal celebration. Like send me a text. “Hey bro I’m having a girl.” Don’t invite me over. I don’t want to be surprised with you. I’m really not that interested. I’m never going to be that invested in the sex of your fuck trophy and it’s kind of weird that you would want me or anybody to be. It’s not like I’m going to pull up to the reveal party then find out you’re having your 3rd little girl and feel some sort of way because I give zero fucks. All these magical moments you’re setting up for your social media friends and real life friends is low key corny.
 
These filters

I don’t know what you look like. I don’t. Seriously; I don’t. You’ve snap chatted, IG’d and photoshopped your face away. Like it was cute when you wanted to put the vintage filter to give your pictures that 90’s and 80’s vibe. Even those puppy dog OG snap chat filters were cool but now ya’ll are tripping. You've airbrushed your whole ass face away. Your face doesn’t have any pores or laugh lines; you look like a Mister Potato head in a lace front. Relax.
 
Super Proms

Back in my day which seemed all so long ago I went down to my local Macy’s picked a multipurpose suit off the rack then handed it off to the tailor for alterations. By multipurpose I mean this suit was not only for prom; it was for job interviews, weddings, funerals and whatever event a suit might be needed for. For the ladies the dress came from a department store but without the pretense of a multipurpose use because it’s no way they were going to recycle a purple, black and silver single shoulder strap gown. So yeah that dress would likely sit in the closet for a few year before it found its way to Goodwill. My mother rented me a Buick LaSabre from Enterprise Rental Car and I was off for a magical night to bid farewell to high school. Today that shit is out of the window. Kids are pulling up in Bentleys and Rolls Royce’s, wearing custom Versace suits and gowns and shit. I don’t know if they are going to Prom or the Met Gala. What happened to going in with a few friends and getting a limousine? Save a few grand and put it on a dope graduation gift; you know something that will be around the day after the prom.
 
Going Live on Social Media

I have 2956 friends on Facebook and between me and you 2000 of them are muted for a various assortment of reasons but none more pivotal than going live for no fucking reason. It’s bad enough that most of ya’ll are painstakingly ugly without the assistance of filter (which I probably would have been at peace with if I knew you were ugly beforehand without all the filters). You’re on the timeline saying absolutely nothing and doing nothing of note. Seriously why you going live so we can watch you sit on your porch smoking half a jay? Why are you going live while you’re putting away groceries? Why are you going live to just stare into the camera and say nothing at all? Just go back to stealing memes and status updates because you’re not clever or funny when left to your own devices.
 
Bashing your Ex

In spite of my own social media entertainment value because lord knows I love it when you people go in on each other especially when it’s scorned lovers. Here’s the thing when you go ham on your old work laying out all the dirty laundry you also look bad. I’m a huge fan of taking your L’s in silence. If you dealt with a wack person you were clearly here for the shenanigans so when you take it to a public forum you're confirming all of that. Also we are sitting back eating popcorn laughing at you.

Canceling people and establishments 

We love to cancel shit, don't we? We canceled the NFL; we canceled the Dallas Cowboys directly. We cancel Kanye West on average twice a month. Remember when we canceled Rick Ross because he put Molly in her Ciroc and she ain't even know it on some Bill Cosby rapey shit? We back fucking with Rick, drinking Bel Air and eating lemon pepper wings at Wing Stop. We canceled H&M for making that little black boy "the coolest monkey in jungle". Every boycott is written in dry erase marker and the slate is wiped clean without any resolution. In my day weren't so eager to cancel shit. Rumors of racism were swirling around Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger but that didn't stop us from being Polo down to the socks. We were way less politically correct and everything wasn't a fucking movement. Maybe instead of being so fucking wishy-washy you should boycott canceling shit.

Before I hit the first key I already knew this was going to fall on deaf ears
Anyway Jean DeGrate has spoken

Stop Trying to Get a Pass for Being Honest

Honesty is the best policy right? I think it is, but not because there’s some bonus points for being transparent. Nah; that’s not it or at least it shouldn't be. I see it as a sign of mutual respect. I’ll be straight with you and you’ll be straight with me; keeping the cards face up at all times. Oh I guess I should say this in application of personal relationships.

Every once in a while a young lady hops on my line in that space between just texting and actual going on a date to drop a huge bucket of truth. “This is what I need. This is what’s wrong with me. My life is pretty much in shambles but what’s up tho? You trying to hook up for drinks or something?” And it leaves me like “I’m good love; enjoy.” I tend not to quote Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn verbatim but I normally fade to black (and by normally I mean always). The honesty is much appreciated, like thank you for saying what’s real but I don’t want no parts of that shit. A lot of people expect to be rewarded for being candid off some “Oh you’s a real ass person so I’m just going to leap frog over that mountain of red flags and push forward.”
 
See here it is… the odds are significantly against you if you think somebody that has their shit together is willing to entertain all your issues while you try to get you "attempt" to get your shit together. This also goes for my “good black men” that are going thru a rough patch and looking for a woman to give him a chance when it’s a guy with a E-class Benz and a good job is on her line. Nope. Ain’t nobody trying to Netflix and Chill for a whole summer because you owe back child support and they are docking your pay. Now somebody might just take a chance on you but if they don’t you can’t be mad. Most people won't knowingly buy something that's already broken.
 
Coming clean for your wrong doings 
 
To err is human. We all make mistakes and shit. We fall down but we get up. Nobody’s perfect. Toss in whatever other fake inspirational quotes about fucking up. You forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer to defrost. You cheated. You stole a 20 out of her purse. You killed his mama bird. Whatever you may have done wrong you will get no extra kudos for coming clean. Granted getting caught up can be considerably worst but that doesn’t mean being straight up is going to get you into the clear. Sorry. Your wrong might be a deal breaker.
 
Speaking on your past
 
It’s a lot of folks out here with skeletons in their closet. Over the last year or so it’s been a lot of surprise rapist that popped on my timeline talking that “You ain’t never got a girl drunk of the Hen Dawg and went in on that ass when she was half sleep”. You stole the pussy my guy. Anyway it’s a lot of folks that have done some different types of shit in their past that can be frown upon. Yes your past does define you. That’s why credit scores are a thing.
 
Just stop it kid
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The Gay Agenda

It’s not a thing

 
I know you think it’s a thing but it’s not
 
Before I get into this let me lay down some definitions because words means things.
 
Agenda - the underlying intentions or motives of a particular person or group.
 
Propaganda - information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote or publicize a particular political cause or point of view
 
I know some of you think there’s some sinister system out here plotting to force the gay upon you, making you complacent and turning the youth into homosexuals. Besides the fact that is just dumb as fuck to believe you can simply subliminally suggest sexuality to a person and they’d switch over. What’s the end game? Making everyone gay and stopping over population because gays can't make babies? I mean Bert and Ernie have been gay right under your noses since 1969 and how many times have you had rubber duckie bath time with your adult same sex friend? (Side note Bugs Bunny is bi because he was kissing men in the mouth and Pepé Le Pew is a rapist.) Now if you got turned gay by something you saw on TV I want to hear your story. Seriously if you were perfectly heterosexual out here living your best life and now you’re gay married because of this agenda hit my line because I clearly have this shit all wrong and I owe you an apology.
 
I made a joke a few weeks back about Taco Bell’s nacho fries, ok it was less of a joke and more of a confession dressed up as a joke. The gist of it was I feel like Taco Bell has a propaganda campaign and it’s targeting me; trying to get me to eat nacho fries and I think it’s working. I still haven’t caved to my desire to eat them but that’s neither here nor there. I’m going to eat them though; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it’s going to happen. I honestly don’t know how long I can keep Taco Bell at bay.
 
I got off track.
 
Let me bring it back around.
 
Gay people exist. They’ve at least existed my entire life time. When I was in elementary school at recess I played basketball, tag and football with the fellas. Only thing was only 99% of the fellas were involved in these schoolyard games. It was a handful of little boys jumping double-dutch with girls. In 1988 on the playground of Eugene Meyer Elementary School these little boys already knew who they were. Every single one of those guys stayed on that path. They were gay (or maybe pre-gay) in 88 and they are gay in 2018. Maybe Bugs Bunny got to them. I wonder where our parents were when Bugs Bunny was kissing Elmer Fudd in the mouth. It’s crazy that so many of us sat Indian style watching Saturday morning cartoons eating a bowl of cereal and not only did we grow up to be heterosexual it seems many of us grew up to be homophobic. Come to think of if many young minds were presented with plenty of questionable animation like Ren and Stimpy.
 
We good on all that right?
 
Ok let’s move on to the next thing
 
The black/gay thing is a terrible analogy but that’s all my brain is giving me right and I know it’s going to be some kick back because some people feel like gay is choice. You know like your cousin Tyrone that did 15 years in the state penitentiary and came home with a boyfriend and lisp.
 
Now I know being gay and being black aren’t the same thing but bear with me.
 
Just imagine if you weren’t black. (If you aren’t black it will be way easier to imagine after all you probably never got stopped for driving while black.) I know it’s hard because you love being black. It’s so much pride associated with being black. You’re going to say it loud every chance you get and let the world know you’re black and you’re proud. And with all that pride you want to be represented on TV, in the movies, in politics and all the other facets of life. Pretty much whatever set you claim you want representation and you want people in power positions looking out for your best interest. That's a simple enough explanation right?

But...
 
It’s crazy now it’s this loud beating drum blaring on about the attack on masculinity and traditional family values like we didn’t enjoy Mrs. Doubtfire, White Girls, and Big Mama’s House. It's very strange to be so opposed to something that doesn't effect you at all outside of saying "I don't like that gay shit". Nobody is forcing men into dresses. I promise you. These dudes running around throwing on wigs for the sake of going viral and laughs in these social media video skits aren’t be coerced into it. Wasn’t it hilarious when Terry Crews was trying to rape Katt Williams at the Christmas party in Friday After Next?  Didn’t we make Tyler Perry a millionaire because he reprised Larry Johnson’s “Grandmama” character sans a basketball? Weren’t we here for Bernie Mac and Miguel A. Núñez Jr.’s gay prison marriage in Life? I can’t recall all the outrage or the negative influence on the youth when Ving Rhames was playing a drag queen in Holiday Heart.
 
At the end of day you can always change the channel if you see something that doesn’t move you. (I do it ever time I see a rerun of Martin, but I've yet to start a petition to get it removed from syndication.) If something pops up on your timeline you can always logoff. Nothing is being forced upon because you have the option to tune it out. Until you’re forced to watch a gay couple make out in your livingroom at gun point I don’t see how anything is being pushed on you. Unless of course you’re highly suggestable to the “gay agenda” then your lifestyle is at risk and you should absolutely be up in arms about it.
 
There isn’t a gay agenda it’s just people that don’t know how to look away from things they don’t want to see
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Dating As a Thug Can Be Stressful

Let me get this out of the way right quick. It was a time in life where I might have fallen under the thug label. A woman I once dated often referred to me as “thug life”. Now my interpretation of a thug and what was deem a thug by the general consensus varied greatly. I mean I’ve done a few things here and there but I wasn’t exactly fit to be an extra in HBO’s The Wire. I felt that holding a job consistently and my car wasn’t in my momma’s name at the very least should have pushed me out of the thug category. It didn’t.

 
Now being a thug, or at minimum, being viewed as a thug has some added pressures and requirements over being viewed as a square. Let’s get into it.
 
Drugs
Being a thug means having drugs on demand for her and her friends. You instantly become the plug for tree, molly, lean or whatever she might be into. You might not even sell drugs but you know somebody with it at all times on speed dial. She also doesn’t expect to pay because you’ve been receiving consistent pussi payments so you’ve already been paid. Which can be costly because drugs aren’t free.
 
The connect on all things illegal
Seriously all things illegal.
Getting the boot off your car because of all your unpaid parking tickets? It can be done.
Illegal cable? Yep
Jail broken Amazon Fire stick? Sure
Half off food stamps? Absolutely
Guns? You bet
Crack heads that steal stuff from Target, CVS and Macy’s? Hell yeah
Pretty much anything shady and underhanded you are the direct connection to the black market and the underworld. The pressure is real.
 
Random acts of violence on demand
She may have never seen you step on a grape during a food fight but you automatically become the enforcer, the muscle, the shooter or whatever the kids are calling it these days. She’ll go from law abiding citizen square chick to the girlfriend of gangster and will let it be known. “Oh my baby crazy he doesn’t play.” And she just waiting for her moment to take off your choke collar and let you loose on her foes. If somebody is broke into her car, on the other side of town in the dead of night, the first call is coming to you. Yes; you not the cops or her insurance company. It’s time to pull up with your goons and track down whoever this to her car and make them pay. There’s a guy at her job that gets on her nerves so you or somebody you know needs to beat him up.
 
Encyclopedia Britannica: The Underworld Edition
Every crime, every criminal, you know who did it, why and for how much. For all hood lingo you are the ghetto Rosetta stone. She just finished listening to that Lil Baby mixtape and he use some terms she’s not familiar with then you need to be defining them. That’s just one of things you’re supposed to know at all times along with the going price of a kilo, why is mid still selling, where’s the closest chop shop and who is her favorite celebs personal drug dealer.
 
It ain’t easy being a thug
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Half woke

“Knowledge itself is power” - Sir Francis Bacon

When I was a kid G.I. Joe told me that knowing was half the battle. I’m not going to give Duke and Cobra Commander all the credit for my thirst for knowledge. I personally hate being wrong. I can’t stand it.  A huge part of not being wrong is knowing shit. So as I child I got about knowing shit. By the way I am a child of the 80’s; you know the pre-internet, pre-google and shit era. I read the newspaper. I read the encyclopedia. I read the dictionary; I mean I still can’t spell for shit but I know the meanings of words so when I tell you “words mean things” I’m eluding to the fact that you’re not saying what you think you’re saying. Anyway as time went on information was easier to obtain from reading books in the library, to looking up shit on Yahoo from the desktop, to googling shit on my smart phone. It’s way easier now to be in the know than it ever was before. I could say with absolute certainty we have the ability to be the most informed generation of all time. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

 

“There's proof in the very Bible you ask us to read, in Revelations, first chapter, verse fourteen and fifteen, that Jesus had hair like wool and feet the color of brass.” – Denzel Washington as Malcom X

Since 1992 this inaccurate quote has been haunting black people. I just thought I’d throw that in there right fast because this was the Book of Revelation Jesus (the end of everything Jesus) with hair as WHITE as wool and he also had eyes of fire.

 

I intended to write this blog during that whole “Slavery was choice” debacle but I got over it as I tend to do with 90%of this shit bouncing around in my head. (You’re so lucky I don’t even post a 3^rd of the shit I write up. It’s a lot.) Then I accidentally got myself in an argument about black ice cream. And I do mean by accident. I just knew that person couldn’t be serious. I just knew I was getting trolled. Here I was going back and forth about the ingredients of fucking ice cream and why vanilla ice cream was never black and couldn’t possibly be black. Forget the fact that vanilla beans go for about $200 per pound so the amount it would take to make two scoops of ice cream black would probably make it the same price as a porterhouse steak at Morton’s. Anyway it’s way too many people getting history lessons from memes and taking it on as fact.

 

Dumb woke.

 

See the problem with all the access to information there’s a lot of false information. Regrettably false information is so much more engaging than the truth because it’s made the fuck up and subsequently, spreads like wild fire. You know like that photo meme of 2 black men hanging from a tree as a mob of white people look up at them captioned “On July 4^th 1776”. The picture is real; it’s the lynching of Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith on August 7^th1930 in Marion, Indiana. Even if you didn’t know the exact setting or date or circumstances of the photo you should know that cameras didn’t exist 200 years ago. Nope. Clearly not because every year it’s on the timeline.

 

We lack the discipline to fact check the bullshit we share because it’s all so entertaining and thought provoking. I mean why not watch a 5 to 10 minute YouTube video summarizing 400 years of history because it’s filled with jaw dropping imagery and the narrator speaks ever so eloquently? Why not forward it to 25 of your friends because you’ve been newly awoken with this knowledge and you want them to be awaken too? Why not share an article to the timeline no matter what the news outlet knowing you’ve only read the headline? Who cares if it’s fake news? Who cares if the article is 4 years about a recall on Bush’s Baked Beans?

 

Do your research and stop being willfully ignorant

Jean DeGrate be knowing

What Really Grinds My Gears Volume: Whatever

I feel like I used to do this all the time but maybe I didn't I felt like I used to do a lot of shit all the time and it turns out I didn't. I’m awesome at talking about shit I don’t like. Way before Chief Keef became popular for telling folks what he doesn’t like in song I was doing it for free and telling anybody that would listen. I think I’m about to get back into it on a regular basis starting today. (Don’t hold me to that because next week I’ll be off this shiy and on to some other shit.)

 

1. Photoshopped Divas

First off bitch who you fooling? I’ve been feeling some kind of way about this for minute but I was throwing parties and I wanted your $20 so I let that shit live. At every event that shit used to burn me the fuck up. Joints would pull up me with heavily blemished skin, 20 to 60 lbs heavier and 3 shades darker off some “hi Jean I’m such and such” Whole time I’m like “no the fuck you not”. Seriously what’s the end game? People are going to see you in real life and shit is not going to add up. You were getting 8 treatment as a 5 and now people going to feel catfished. Especially you fucking “I love my flaws and all; don’t body shame me” chicks because you don’t even like you. (Gripe adjacent not wearing makeup is not an accomplishment; wearing natural hair is not an accomplishment.)

 

2. Celebrities with social media

I used to love Stacey Dash and then I discovered her on Twitter. (Why did God give this bitch internet access? I can’t even watch Clueless anymore.) I used to love Erykah Badu then I read her tweets. I used to love Kanye and now I wish they would have just kept his jaw wired shut. This information age is giving me way too much information and I don’t like it. Walt Disney was a wild bigot, anti-union and fair wages, but he didn’t have a Twitter account so we still love Mickey Mouse and take our kids to Disney world to spend a small fortune. Ignorance is bliss. Remember when that white lady told LeBron to shut up and play basketball? Of course you do it was kind of a big thing. I don’t want to be that lady but when I find out the people I admire because of their craft are trash people it ruins everything they are to me. Fortunately I will continue to illegally download Kanye’s music because he can’t a single stream out of me.

 

3. Your take on what celebrities should do

It might have been last month or two months ago but one of The Migos bought some random dude a Nissan Altima because of he pulled him out of his wrecked car. You idiots were going off. “An Altima? That’s it?” Should he had bought that man a Maybach? A random dude with no car at all? How is he going to insure that? Call up Lloyd’s of London? You idiots stay with the most input on what rich people should do. From how Ciara should parent baby Future to what Cardi B should be wearing on red carpets. How about you take all that energy and flip it into a part time job so you can pay off your Altima a little bit faster.

 

4. People that complain about what social media won’t let you post

Being on social media is like living in your parents’ house. It’s going to be some rules. Some of them you’re going to agree with because they make perfect sense. Some of them will be ridiculous. Some of them you will out right hate. So no matter how much time you spend on social media, how much influence you think you have, how many internet friends you make or how much money you make off of it you don’t ultimately control your content. You don’t own this platform so you can’t get upset about what you’re allowed to do. You want free reign build your own shit; until then shut the fuck up.

 

5. People that can’t land the plane

Every day I witness people jump into these halfcocked debates without a way to close it out because they haven’t got pass “well I don’t like it so it shouldn’t be a thing”. So I’m bouncing around YouTube this morning and somehow some fucking way I ended up on a video from “The Liberty Hound” titled “You are not oppressed Dave Rubin calmly destroys a crazed hyper-victim”. First off Dave Rubin is a gay sort of stand-up comedian but he is a liberal but really a republican. Yeah; I can’t explain this guy; you’ll just have to Google him. Anyway… this young lady hopped on the mic with all that millennial sass coming at Dave’s neck about the validity of hate speech. In her opening rant she was cooking. Like “Yes, bitch, yes”. Then Dave came back with his rebuttal that wasn’t necessarily brilliant but he asked her to give some examples of her oppression caused via hate speech and how the government could fix it and this bitch said “I have no reason to talk about my own oppression because that’s just like mental energy so unless I’m going to be paid”. From that moment on it all went downhill she was never ready to bring it home. She never fleshed out her own argument. She never got to the bottom of what she feels from hate speech and how that translates into a toxic environment and if it is or isn’t a worthy infringement on freedom of speech. I hate that shit so much.

 

I probably won’t do this again. Maybe. Possibly. I’m legit angry typing this.

Jean DeGrate has spoken

I’m Afraid of Some Shit

I used to be fearless. Not in that crazy way of fearlessness where I threw caution to the wind. Nah buddy. I definitely used to be way cooler and nothing could shake my cool. I sat Indian style eating a bowl of cereal watching the second plane crash into the World Trade Center thinking “Wow this is crazy”. I never felt like Osama Bin Laden was going to change the American way of life. Even when the DC Sniper was running around DC I kept it business as usual. Some 16 years later fear has found it’s way into my heart and I’m going to share a few things with you.

 

People that share extremely personal info on social media

“Everybody done turned their back on me in my time of need. I’m about to ride myself from now on. I just broke the windshield out of my baby father’s car and cut all his tires because his new bitch ain’t better than me.” “This child support got my check looking crazy. I’m about hit a move or go cop something for the quick flip.” Even reading this on my smart phone screen has me feeling some sort of way. Like don’t they know the feds watching? I don’t want to click like or comment because I don’t even want them to know I seen this. They out here baring their souls and rumbling with their demons in front of a bunch of strangers so I know without a shadow of doubt that they don’t give a fuck and they are about that smoke. I’m frightened.

 

White people holding cell phones

Wednesday I illegally parked and when I hoped out of my car there was a white man holding his cell phone making a call. Right then and phcking there my heart skipped 6 beats and I instantly envisioned returning to my car being surrounded by the police. I hoped back in my car and circled the block 4 times until I found a legit spot a whole block away. Funny thing is the parking wasn’t that illegal; the nose of my car was just about 10 inches beyond the “No Parking” sign and the white man wasn’t even looking at me he was just facing my general direction. Homie had me shook because when those white people call the law they pull up with extreme prejudice and I have zero desire to get searched, handcuffed, tazed or shot.

 

Ugly women with several kids

Let me define this a little better. If she’s ugly with 4 plus kids with 2 or more guys this is a clear indication that the pussy is flames. It’s like the first guy that decided to drink from a cows tittie was a wild boy and the second guy to go in was an even wild boy but clearly they were on to something because here we are centuries later with milk in every grocery store. Without actually sleeping with an ugly women with multiple children I’m assuming that the pussy will have you on stuck. How else can you explain why guys keep nutting in these ladies? This is a mystery I’m trying to steer clear of because curiosity might get the best of me.

 

Black people in MAGA hats

I understand white people in MAGA hats. I know they want to stay top dog in the USA and for 8 year Barack Obama threaten that (he really didn’t but the Tiki torch mafia felt some sort of way). Even if Barack was Umar Johnson he still couldn’t make a dent in the chokehold of white privilege. Now black people that have woken up black every day of their lives and have personally experienced injustice and discrimination due to racism and stereotypes choose to put a MAGA hat on top of their head. How are you so disillusioned? America was never great for people that look like you and you’re hoping to return it to its former glory? You sir are a scary motherfucker because you intentionally act against your better interest.

 

Short guys with facial tattoos

First off I’m talking about actually short guys not this “if you’re a man under 6 feet” bullshit. I’m talking about these 5’6 and under dudes. Being a short guy has a lot of disadvantages and adding facial tattoos to that leads me to believe you’re the type of guy that throws caution to the wind and faces all adversities head on. Like if I’m ever in a verbal confrontation with a tattoo faced short guy I’m just going to throw these hands off top. I’m not taking any chances. I’ll sort it out when the dust clears. 

 

People that ride around in 90 degree plus weather with the windows down

Look here I don’t give a fuck how fast you drive 90 degrees is 90 degrees and you’re just getting beat in the face by fast hot ass wind. You probably don’t even have car insurance. You probably stink. You probably have 6 payday advance loans out right now. Your cable is probably in your mother’s name. You probably put 87 octane gas in your car even though it requires 93. I don’t trust you and you scare me.

 

I’m afraid

Jean DeGrate has spoken